little poof wizard

had a fantastic time watching the oscars tonight. realised the idea of seeing the resulting fallout on twitter was about to give me an ulcer. never posting again. i love you all

misread this several times

@jermadelic cosigned (source - sustained trampoline related injuries age 7)

the kind of shit willy wonka's dad was doing to him in the tim burton movie

@scudrubbins DID HE DO THE WHISTLE

@jermadelic i have heard....harrowing tales of the chocolate milk one

i got posts about sex topology. i got posts about suibaiting tiktok commenters. i got posts about the fucking insane stories my ma tells me like they're nothing. i'm actively avoiding numbers. i'm leaving numbers on the table here

i've really been getting the twitter/tumblr postsharing balance wrong these past couple months. all the good shit goes straight to my tumblr, with the remaining crumbs sending my twitter dangling perilously over Coworker Crevasse

"bored at work" is the same mental state as "three pints deep" for me vis a vis other people's instagram stories

the one funny part about when i used to work at maccies is how the old beardy busker that sits outside the overgate has, for some reason, got the sound of silence on his rotation. and always sings it at the same time of day. 6:45pm. the EXACT time i would walk into work every day

saw frankenstein opening night in edinburgh. packed house. maybe 1/3 of the audience were very obviously people who had worked on the movie who stood up during the end credits and went "WOOO:D" every time they saw a crew name they recognised. cutest thing i've maybe ever seen

do you find something wisible about the name mingus weedus

oh yeah it's all coming together

@scudrubbins see this kind of rushing is why you're always getting stuck in riverbed crevices

@wizardtapestry Else. Goddammit. Too excited about the bit

something about growing a beard nobody tells you about is how every time you see someone who hasn't seen you since before the beard they WILL be touching that thing. it's like having a new puppy on your face at all times

@scudrubbins you should probably stop feeling around with it like a catfish. the urge is there but it puts folk off

@wizardtapestry Opposite reaction to a new tash, people are standing further away

i'm a pretty portly guy, and i'll tell you what did it; free mocha refills. every day i down about fifteen of the bastards. barely have any food at all in comparison. i'm sure millions of others around the uk will have experienced the exact same thing

fantastic day to be h from steps

saw a tweet earlier describing a celebrity as a "scorpio moon-ass bitch" and i think if you know enough about a celebrity to know their moon sign you should be forcibly detoxed from screens for 30 days