7th year: maya

🦊 i finished wrapping up first my solo recently and as words from people around me started influencing me, it really stressed me out and it really started swaying my identity as a person…i was really burnt out for 3 months 🦊 i used to be someone that told people everything when i was going through a hard time like “i’m going through a tough time right now” but i don’t know when it started, but i couldn’t get myself to tell people around me anymore 👤 i wonder why? was it out of consideration for them? 🦊 that could be why…and i also felt like i needed to learn how to overcome things myself 🦊 i didn’t say anything to anyone and was going through it myself…then i thought about namjoon hyung so i went to him and asked him a lot of questions and one of the things he said to me was that he hopes i face the things that make me uncomfortable 🦊 i had conflicts with soobin and we had awkward phases but i wanted to erase all of these things one by one and i feel like there were also a lot of things that i had been misunderstanding, coming to think of it now…so i went up to soobin first and said “hey, let’s go get a drink”

👤 after hearing all this, i feel like i do understand why soobin cried 🐰 exactly, it was a touching day 🦊 i used to be someone that had to work out things immediately too but from some point, i became an avoidant person and i think it was especially more towards my members 🦊 i pensively thought a lot about why that was the case like “what in the world is actually my problem?” 🦊 the expectations the company had from me and something people had always said to me since i was a trainee is “you need to be good” or “you need to do well” and hearing things like this…i’m someone who always wanted to be perfect, even in the way i presented myself…to be honest, the members can conflict with each other and talking about it is a very natural thing to do but i felt like i had to hide all this and since i’m older, i didn’t want to act like i was upset either so i just pretended like everything was okay…and doing this, i think i ended up hiding all my emotions at some point and avoiding all the members like “let me endure this and lead the way” so i think that as i constantly kept letting these things add, (my emotions) just exploded as i was doing my solo work

👤 was that the first time just the two of you drank together? 🐰 it wasn’t the first time but… 🦊 i think it was after a really long time 🐰 yeah, we always drink together when we fight and make up…and that’s not something that’s happened just once or twice! 🐰 i’m someone that needs to resolve things as soon as they happen and yeonjun hyung is someone you need to give some time to so that’s a reason we had a hard time with each other…every time after something happened, i would try to avoid yeonjun hyung being like “let me give yeonjun hyung some time like he wants!” but he needs too much time 🦊😅😅😅 🐰 even when i gave him half a year’s time, he was still not ready…he was still not ready to have a conversation 🐰 so something i always said was “hyung, if something like this happens, i hope you learn a way to come approach me first too…since i’m the one always coming to you first, i can’t help but feel upset” and then for the first time in the 10 years we’ve known each other, yeonjun hyung requested to have the conversation first 🐰 as soon as he contacted me, i was like “did i do something wrong..?” 🐰for those two days, i was really… 👤 were you anxious? 🐰 yeah, before bed i’d keep digging into the past and think things like “did i talk about yeonjun hyung behind his back somewhere..?” 🦊 you thought about all that? 😅 🐰 i was really worried…but it was for him to spill his feelings to me openly so i felt great

🐰 yeonjun hyung said it himself but he was someone who really tried to not talk about himself…he never wanted to burden other people and always wanted to resolve things alone but he makes those things really obvious 🦊 (joking) he’s the worst 🤣 🐰 you can just look at him and tell that he’s having the hardest time ever but if i ask him “hyung, are you okay?”, he’ll be like “i’m okay, i’m okay” so that really…upset me back then. if i approached him to have a conversation, he’d just try to hide everything as much as he could. it kinda felt like…he was building a wall around him. 🐰 when we drank together that day, he spilled all his inner feelings in a very honest way to me, for the first time in years. 🐰 so i cried that day 🦊 he did 👤 while you guys were talking? 🦊🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ 👤 why? what made you cry? 🐰 i was just listening to him and the tears suddenly started pouring 🦊 i saw him cry after a really long time 🐰 it’s because…it’s someone i have a lot of affection and care for and…yeonjun hyung was going through a hard time and it felt like he was in the process of becoming a better person so i think that made me feel really nice

SALON DRIP TOMORROW!!!!!! ARE WE READYYYYY

[260329] txt tiktok update “😋”

🐰 Hey, don't get too close!! 🧸 Mmh 😚

Yeonjun also worked on part of the choreography for this comeback song!!!