Chris Wyman

@BBCMOTD I’d gave gone with, “Arsenal pour cold water on Atletico Madrid spirits”

Arsenal turn on the heat against Atletico Madrid 🚿

@wynaliu sorry I’m not having ‘space’ for ‘Things you might do in a boring class’

@fredsirieix1 @ProfBrianCox Assemble a team of experienced oil field drillers to go on a mission to intercept the asteroid, drill into it, and detonate nuclear warheads to split it into harmless fragments and deflect away from Earth.

@ProfBrianCox How can we deflect such a big object from crashing on earth? Is it even possible with the technology at our disposal?

Interesting situation - if the probability remains this high then we will have to make a decision on preparing a deflection mission - which would be a good investment even if (as is most likely) we don’t need to use it this time. It’s as if the Universe has decided to do an experiment to see if Planet Earth is still capable of taking rational decisions!

@HitchinTownFC Are you planning to join Bluesky? I’m sure you’d be warmly welcomed over there 🦋

📸 | PETE’S PICS Here are some of @peter_else’s action shots from yesterday’s trip to @HarbTownFC 🥶

@hoodopulence Not even close youtu.be/Rfjv66w9u7c?si…

Holding Out for a Hero will forever be attached to Shrek 2

When your wife asks why you’re setting up an OnlyFans account

@bo66ie29 How old is Roy Hodgson?!

So very British. A roadside picnic with cups and saucers and even a teapot. You can tell this couple is on holiday as formal shoes have been replaced with socks and sandals.

@LUDENClassics @TheSmokingTire 👀

This 1996 Bentley Turbo R James Young, one of 6 produced, was offered with a guide between £20k-£26k and is listed as sold with no price. Top bid was £19,500 Powerfully purple!

@SkyNews @mt_loverman

Police discover drugs in bag labelled 'definitely not a bag full of drugs' news.sky.com/story/police-d…

@OfficialFPL An excellent week for Team No Haaland

In a week where Average score was at its lowest this season... Who out there is looking at this right now? #FPL

@Only9built @Carpervert @sniffpetrol get him to the Stapler

Clever….Makes me emotional

@nickhilton84 @Pringles @Pringles_UK

@wymsical @Pringles @Pringles_UK Get Bill Gates in here

Don’t know what @Pringles @Pringles_UK were thinking changing the flavour of the original Pringles but it’s a travesty. They’ve gone from classic to inedible.

@Carpervert Same goes for black wheels

Grey cars. Simply not cool any more.

@NUFC What’s the lowest amount of 1-11 numbered players to start a premier league game? @FootballCliches

United. 💪

@clive_mart1n Tamil Prince

Met an American last night who was telling me about a “great fuckin’ Indian restaurant” in the “north end” of London. He couldn’t be any more specific than that. Could feasibly be anywhere between Goodge Street and Watford. Any leads?

@ManuclearBomb Am I so out of touch? No, it’s the children who are wrong!

Been thinking about Simpsons phrases that have entered the popular lexicon. Things like "land of contrasts" and "saying the quiet part loud," what else is there (not thinking of neologisms/solecisms like "cromulent" or "embiggen")

@HLTCO You’d only need to earn that for 1000 years without ever spending a cent to be richer than Elon Musk is today.

€3.8m a week €549k a day €22,800 an hour €381 a minute €6.35 a second

@barneyronay You’ll bounce back

Again, this is demonstrably a good joke and I have fully evidenced workings to prove it

Wonderful achievement in a sport of so many ups and downs