Ben Kaufmann

Things I learned from my 5 year old: Dragons listen to Trans-Siberian Orchestra instrumentals when they're flying. #thingskidssay

Who said it had to be Thurs. to #throwitback? Check out Ben Kaufmann fm the early days here. What year do you guess?

I read it twice to make sure: SkyMall is now selling bacon scented t-shirts. A great holiday gift, apparently.

My son and I recently had our first jam. He played out of tune fiddle and I played Irish whistle. Itsy Bitsy Spider never sounded so good.

Hopefully this password change ends the Viagra spam. Apologies, bk

Thank you Yuba river. My son and I enjoyed peeing in you today. Swimming! Not peeing. Dammit.

Does one need to have teeth in order to say the word "teeth"?

Stereo often sounds good. But mono always sounds good.

What happens in the diaper stays in the diaper.

@Jack2point0 Spunkmeyer is now being digested slowly over a period of a thousand years.

Starbucks pastries are made by someone named Otis Spunkmeyer apparently. At least at the Phoenix airport.

My one year old ate a lot of beets tonight. I have to remember not to panic the next time he poops.

Let's come up with good names for European racehorses. I like "Eat Me, Europe" to win and "Better than Haggis" to show. #eatmorehorse

So I was reading "Form Factors in Completely Integrable Models of Quantum Field Theory" just now and thought how funny farts are.

On the plus side my new wood stove is saving me lots of money on propane. But I don't like how it burns my skin when I high five it.

I didn't know any Usher songs and I felt bad about it. Then I heard he discovered Justin Bieber and I didn't feel bad about it anymore.

In the studio at #electricalaudio in Chicago. The album is dead. Long live the EP.

IF a lady's laugh sounds like she's being stabbed over and over THEN should she be allowed to be happy in an airport?

Survived my son's first plane trip. He also survived his first plane trip.

fantasy football draft. New strategy. We're up against people who work for the NFL. Like, higher ups. I must break them.