You Get Me

When life gives you lemons, you probably just found lemons.

I'm in no position to have high standards but it doesn't stop me

"Beauty sleep" is bullshit. I sleep 12 hours a day and I still look like a trash can

Don't invite me to your wedding because I will look better than you and it will be embarrassing for us both

Is mayonnaise an instrument?

It’s amazing how fast your mood can change after you step in some water with socks on.

If you don't have a crush on me you should probably reevaluate your priorities because I'm perfect

date night but your date is chocolate and you sit at home and eat your date

In case nobody has told you today: you are hella bomb, hella cute, and anyone would be hella lucky to have you.

side effects of being friends with me include gaining extensive knowledge of tv shows you dont watch or care about

*dies trying to hit the high notes in Chandelier*

when you spell a word so wrong that spell check is like i dont know what to tell you man

Hi, My name is Junie B. Jones. The B. stands for Beatrice, except I don’t like Beatrice. I just like B. and that’s all.

Be somebody nobody thought you could be.

why are college and university textbooks so expensive, i could have bought four dogs instead of the textbooks i bought for this semester.

“Confidence is not ‘they will like me’ Confidence is ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t’”

it’s 2014 why hasn’t a bank had the slogan “it’s common cents” yet

if we go to a restaurant and have to choose between a table or a booth and you say table i will never trust you again

i wonder how people describe me when they’re talking about me to someone who’s never met me

i wonder how many people i’m in the “i’d be down if you asked” zone with