Zach Helm

I don't turn my porch light on when I leave home cause I'm gone a lot and I ain't got nothin to steal.

Got off work early yesterday, got back to the hotel and walked in on the maid cleanin my room in a Winnie the Pooh onesie... I think it's time to go somewhere different

Year 3, please don’t call me

@grimm_11 Yeehaw thanks lil Nig!!!!

@Poetrain2 Cheers

@zachhelm_1 Does Monday end in y?

Having a Monday birthday is no fun because nobody wants to get rowdy on a Monday 🥴

And then Jesus said; this too, shall buff

I got a cold beer with your name on it

I hope that me stepping on cracks all these years wasn’t what led to my moms back breaking.

I piss where I want to

the worst kind of female:

Fk diabetes. I’m eatin chocolate cake, and drinkin beer

Ol skunk had 1 too many

I’m sittin in my camper with the door wide open, givin myself an insulin shot in the belly. A couple girls drive by on a golf cart and go “oh my god god I just witnessed somebody doing heroin” hell ya i love it

You ever been so bored you actually look at Instagram stories???

You know what they say: Once you go Bevin You never go to Heaven

Long live the Kastle

I swear to gawd I’d rather go into another diabetic coma than go to Walmart at a normal time of day again.