Ted Danson with the Devil

Change the White House to a 2 bedroom/1 bath home with Cricket Wireless internet and then we will see who really wants to be president.

@choptopmoseley we have the same birthday! How rad is that!?

@kerrymyers_ Smokin!

How much should a tattoo that is this cost?

Ted Cruz sounds like a full blown alcoholic. I hope he gets help soon.

@CrownAndJoke That’s why I go straight to the stair master

150 days cigarette free. If a stupid idiot like me can do this, then I a smart person like you can too. #onedayatafuckingtime

Thinking about chasing the dragon today.

@timheidecker put on a hell of a show tonight and his merch manager was the nicest person ever.

@timheidecker How did you update this while on stage?????

@LucasRoss So quickly

Show me a picture from a movie where you can instantly hear the music.

@timheidecker any chance I could get my vinyl of WTBHD signed? I couldn’t afford the vip access

I get to see @timheidecker tonight in OKC. On Cinema at the Cinema and What the Broken Hearted Do have both gotten me through some rough rough times. Can’t wait to give tonight 5 bags of popcorn and maybe a little microphone.

@zachsmithcomedy -take off work -buy tickets -reschedule because park is closed -go on your actual day off -get stuck on ride -leave yearning for something more A truly authentic Frontier City experience

@FromtierCity I took off last Wednesday and bought tickets only to realize on my way out the door about the weekend bullshit. Then I got stuck on the Lasso Sunday. Bring back the Terrible Twister

Happy National Roller Coaster Day! Come back this weekend we’re fuckin closed today

Decided to get rid of my beard for the first time in almost a decade after hitting a weight loss milestone. The mustache stays. 40 here I come.

Superstore has been one of the best surprises. This is a new comfort show, 100%. Also I got stuck on The Steel Lasso today. @FromtierCity

@daniellesteel can you say hi to my sister Alicia for her birthday? It would put me in best little brother category for life. Thanks if you can and no problem if you can’t!

@JoshLatheComedy This is a great time to go for a walk and get about 6 minutes away from home on foot.

Having my second cold brew, or as I like to call it "opening the brown gate"

I found out what my body fat percentage was today. I didn't know what a good number was supposed to be. When he told me I just looked at the ground and shook my head and apologized for wasting his time. I was so embarrassed. It was 19.4%. I’m a moron. #iveneverbeenhealthy

@PicturesFoIder @YellowbirdSauce

What are you adding?