Drew Thomas

@LeighRae22 Never know if your brother will forget the beer for another wedding

When a co-worker asks if they’re invited to your wedding:

That game feels like I followed Game of Thrones for 8 years only to watch the season 8 dumpster fire.

@RParryyy "It appears the fire started on the couch"

@LeighRae22 I've been paid off for over 2 years. And I'm halfway to the entire thing being forgiven for time spent in civil service

When you’ve already paid off the majority of your student loans

When the rest of student loans are gonna be paid off

Billy rolled out a putting mat in the kitchen on Sunday. Anyone want to take bets on how long it will sit there???

@LeighRae22 Good thing we weren't in any way dangerous as kids. We wouldn't leave a purse full of poop in a blind turn.

New Neighborhood news: the neighbor’s kids are riding a lawn mower up and down the streets with helmets on. Is this what the kids do for fun these days? Also one almost got hit by a car

Is there such a thing as a dog that doesn't bark at storms?

Me: what do you want for dinner? Billy: idk, what do you want? Me:idc what we have Billy: idc either Me: so what do you want? Billy: idk I guess we’re not eating tonight

I hope when I’m gone, the people of Baltimore remember me as Mermaid Man… Still living off that high

Ok, who showed these refs my bracket?

*looks at clock, 11:20* *looks at giant window that makes one entire wall of my office* Guess I failed this statewide tornado drill.

*calling my mother* *goes to voice * Me: Bitch

@LeighRae22 Remember when she wanted to delete the internet because of Facebook?

Someone tell my mom she doesn’t have to comment on every single persons Facebook posts.

@LeighRae22 Going to school like

Billy disapproves of my driving skills, I mean I only almost crashed like 3 times 🤷🏼‍♀️ I mean what else should he expect from someone who learned how to drive on one lane roads in the sticks?

Speed skating suits make everyone look like characters from Bob's Burgers

When I finally decide to take lunch in the office, random people come in like

They grow up so fast

@TyBraenovich @toriyorgeytv Some heroes don't wear capes. They wear 2008 GMC Yukons.

Total badass for sure. @toriyorgeytv deserves a night out on the town after all that 😏

@JellyfishSando Smashing

@drunkenbear75 So that's why your feet aren't up on the desk. Gotta be ready to stop the mischief

Oh yeah, and the boys came with me.

When work makes you come in on a Sunday for some bullshit