Dr Ali Cliffe

Excited to share that I will be presenting part of my doctoral research, Dreams & Psychic Change, in May @TaviTraining with @jostubleytavi tavistockandportman.ac.uk/courses/tavist…

When we use words like ‘violence’ and ‘harm’ to describe thoughts, ideas, and opinions do we undermine and lessen the impact of actual violence? Still appalled by @KateClanchy1 treatment

I wrote about words, violence and the toxic rhetoric of Prof Sunny Singh. Link below.

@the_mel_jar Another example of other people giving other (unknown) peoples words too much power.

Since I saw a post from someone who responded to my IFS tweet with a screenshot of it, meaning that they do not wish for me to respond to them directly, or to draw attention to their own tweet with my reply to them there, then I will go ahead and make my own separate reply here. Please consider this as a response to this person as well as to anyone else who might believe that it is both wrong and unethical for me to say something negative and hurtful about a theoretical idea in a therapy modality that may have helped them. So, to address this person specifically: whatever therapy has personally helped you remains none of my business or anyone else’s. I am sincerely sorry if you were hurt or offended by my criticism of the idea of a “core self” in IFS. However, it is not against any professional or personal ethics to state one’s opinions about any theory or clinical practice — even if there are those people who have been helped by, say, the theoretical construct I criticized, or by this overall modality. This is especially true when we are not specifically expressing our views as anyone’s therapist, but as someone off the clock, just another private person who has an opinion — a “civilian,” if you will. When we are expressing our views as “civilians,” then you may at times hear us do so casually, humorously, rudely, brashly, or with otherwise less respectful and serious tones, much as you might expect anyone to share their thoughts, therapist or not, about anything. It can become something of a slippery slope, to feel that it’s unfair or wrong for a therapist to express any sort of negative opinion in even these less mannered ways, about any psychological treatment that exists in the world, even if it’s one that some others might prefer for themselves. It’s also a slippery slope to expect that therapists must carry themselves with the same attitude of professionalism at all times outside of their working life, especially when we’re speaking from our semi-anonymous and/or demonstrably non-professional, personal social media accounts. Therapists tend to be big on clearly defined distinctions between our own roles in our lives, so that we do not confuse people, including possibly confusing ourselves. Without these clear distinctions, then the expectation that we stay in one role is something that can lead to burnout, at the least, and serious boundary violations at the worst. Now, there are those people who might prefer to remain in the function and service of their role perhaps at most times, but this tends to be most true of people in specific spiritual traditions, and who have roles within those traditions. Most other people who are in professions like medicine, education, law, finance, and so on, have different ways of expressing themselves from their different domains and contexts in their lives. You can even apply this understanding to, say, those of us who are parents — because yes, I might be a mother, but am I expected to act as a mother, speak as a mother, or conform to a certain ideal of being “a good mother” in all the ways I might speak to others, or else my ability to parent should be called into question? This is the kind of thing that we need to be thinking about when we are finding ourselves feeling upset with or uncomfortable by something that we see posted online, and when we question whether or not this person should have the “right” to be able to express themselves in this way. But again, I AM sorry if you saw my post and it made you feel badly because you have been helped by IFS. I feel it’s important to remember that the things strangers (including stranger therapists) say online are not meant as a personal attack against you. We can’t ask that people not say things that might upset us, negative things about the stuff that we personally enjoy and has helped us. But we CAN always choose to ignore their opinions and posts, and move on with our lives, however we might prefer to do so.

I really really appreciate the sensitivity in this article, and the beautiful writing theguardian.com/commentisfree/…

@KemtrupTweets Both male and female people can and need to access both maternal and paternal roles. Jung would refer to this as individuation in the service of wholeness

One consequence of this pernicious idea is also one that hurts men. They get robbed of the role of and meaning in caregiving and the possibility of a caregiving profession. And male patients feel pressured to be less emotional, less caring, more stoic, etc.

The best argument for being concerned about the relative absence of male therapists is feminist in nature. There is an old and pernicious idea that female bodies are FOR caregiving and male bodies are not. A weaker version of this idea is that female minds/brains/bodies are

Tics is not Tourette’s

@DreyfusJames Best film I watched last year, can’t wait to watch it again. The BAFTA was well deserved

It sure does… Congratulations to Robert Aramayo on his BAFTA win for what looks like a remarkable performance. I look forward to watching it asap.

@_psychiara Dream life - Meltzer Dreaming and thinking - Perelberg The Significance of Dreams - Fonagy et al Marianne Leuzinger Bohleber has written many papers on dreams The Necessary Dream - Civitarese

So pleased Robert Aramayo won best actor, very well deserved. John Davison's story is heartbreaking, powerful & inspirational. His resilience, despite the profound adversity of Tourette’s, is remarkable. Drown out the noise & watch the film

@helin_drsaga @TheWhackyPaki Beautifully put!! It is indeed painstaking work. People may scoff at the idea of long-term depth psychotherapy but you’ve written very succinctly why in many cases, especially in the context of interpersonal trauma, it is necessary 💜🙏

You are touching on what is arguably the most corrosive part of the entire experience which we call the Second Injury. In clinical work, we find that while the initial harm is a shock to the system, it is the silence, the disbelief, or the 'minimizing' from family afterward that truly shatters a person's internal world. This is where a trauma moves from being an event you went through to becoming a truth about your worth. If the people you turn to for safety effectively abandon you in your moment of disclosure, the message the mind receives is that not only is the world dangerous, but you are not worth protecting. As I have mentioned before, we are relational beings and we process pain through the presence of a witnessing other. When that witness turns away or tells you it wasn't that bad, they aren't just minimizing a memory but they are dismantling your sense of reality. For many survivors, the struggle isn't just recovering from the act itself, but recovering from the catastrophic loneliness of not being believed. Healing here requires more than just processing a past event, it requires a slow and painstaking rebuilding of the idea that your voice actually matters and that your reality is valid. This is not an easy process and it doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time and courage. I’ve seen it happen over my years of practice. Thank you for your comment

Jordan captures something we encounter frequently in clinical work which is the most profound and enduring forms of PTSD often stem not merely from the fact of being harmed, but from the recognition that the harm was inflicted with deliberate intent with malevolence directed specifically at you. That realization fractures something foundational, eroding trust in others and in the basic benevolence of the human world. It does more than just hurt it messes with your ability to trust your own gut and feel safe around people. You don't just remember what happened but you carry a heavy and silent realization that someone can be cruel on purpose. That's what sticks with you, and it totally changes how you handle everything from a simple 'hello' to falling in love. Recovery tends to involve patiently mourning that betrayal, giving language to the darkness without minimizing it, and gradually accumulating lived experiences that demonstrate not everyone harbors malevolent intent even while acknowledging that such intent does exist.

The problem is far bigger than Jeffrey Epstein Treating the scandal as an aberration misunderstands the global epidemic of violence against women By Rebecca Solnit theguardian.com/commentisfree/…

@DoctorPerin Dogtooth Melancholia Women Talking Get Out You were never really here Spirited Away Petit Maman Pans Labyrinth & L’amant double (for the Lacanians)

My producer wants to do a podcast series where we psychoanalyze a different movie each week for a month or two. He’s reading me a list of movies he thinks is relevant. What would you want to see?

I do not know who she is but please spread her brilliant and brave voice. FREE IRAN

@MarkLRuffalo @UCFMed Congratulations 🥳

Children raised in chronically neglectful environments often develop idiosyncratic internal templates of love in the absence of consistent emotional caregiving. Without a responsive caregiver to introject, the child may construct an imagined relational ideal...

@HelenWebberley You say ‘be kind’ a lot yet show absolutely no empathy or kindness to a significant number of sexually abused girls & women who, for very good reason, need single sex spaces away from men, including those who feel they are women.

@HelenWebberley I’ve watched all three of your recent interviews. All you have to say is what you believe and how everyone else should believe it too.

Studio to studio, city to city, I’ve heard every kind of hostility. But among all the noise, there are still people choosing kindness!

@bindelj Julie you were remarkable!!

When I debated Helen Webberley, I felt strongly that I was in the presence of evil. I used to reject the notion of evil, but I no longer feel able to. I will write more about this tomorrow.

@bindelj 8 minutes in and Webberley is actually trying to argue that a fact is not necessarily a fact - the fact being the majority of victims of sexual violence are girls and women 🤬😵‍💫🤬

This debate has 57k downloads on Spotify and 37k on YouTube. Here's a clip: