Martin

The Evolution of Desire - A Short Book Review nonfictionnotes.com/2026/02/11/the… When you look at YouTube, you find countless pop-psychology or dating-guru explanations about what men desire and what women desire in a partner. But if you truly want to examine these preferences in depth—if you want solid, evidence-based knowledge about them—you could read The Evolution of Desire by David Buss. Over countless millennia, humans evolved mating preferences that were adaptive in ancestral environments. These preferences nudged us toward certain behaviors and away from others. For example, women evolved tendencies to avoid mating with men who lacked resources or the ability to acquire and provide them. Men evolved preferences for cues of fertility rather than age or infertility. In ancestral environments, such preferences increased reproductive success. I still vividly remember the first chapters of the book—there were genuinely ingenious quotes and conceptual gems throughout, and the final (short) chapter was almost philosophical in tone. The book confronts the reader with fundamental questions: Why do men and women have the mate preferences they do? What can individuals do to attract a partner? What can they do to retain a desired partner? What strategies are used to end relationships? Why do attraction and attractiveness change over time? How do people respond to their own changes—and to changes in their partners? Why does sexual frequency often decline in long-term relationships? Why do roughly 40% of men report, after four years of marriage, that their wives are withholding sex? Why are break-ups so common? Why does sexual conflict appear to be so persistent, rather than inter-sexual harmony? And how do some couples manage to stay together for decades? These are some of the essential questions one encounters while reading the book. It provided considerable food for thought. It sheds light on one’s past relationships or one’s current relationship and on relationships within one’s social environment. It explains why we have inherited certain adaptive preferences and how these preferences evolved. But it also raises a deeper question: If these preferences evolved because they were adaptive in ancestral environments, are they still adaptive in modern environments? And what does adaptive behavior look like today? Conversely, what does maladaptive behavior look like in modern contexts? Once you have read this book, enjoyed it, and acquired a solid understanding of human mating—quite unlike the kind of information one might receive from the average dating guru—the next question naturally arises: Where should the journey continue? Which books should one read next to deepen knowledge in this area and in related fields? In my case, Robin Hanson comes to mind—particularly his ideas related to social ally theory, a framework that has been elaborated in considerable depth by Jean-Louis Dessalles. Status, in this perspective, is closely linked to the concept of “your value as an ally.” (Geoffrey Miller might phrase it as “your value as a mate.”) The next step, for me, would be to deepen my understanding of social status as a central organizing principle in human behavior.

@Rob_ThaBuilder He’s not attractive, is the real truth

@jasonalanonline You see these married couples, high income, million dollar home, 3 to 4 kids and then you see destitute idiots. The middle is disappearing quickly.

The husband did not compete with his wife, nor did the wife feel the need to beat her husband. Because marriage is not a business…

@KILLTOPARTY Someone likes her, if he pays for her ...

Will she ever be loved?????

Yes, you are wondering what will happen with AI over the coming years and decades. So news folks keep offering you many articles about AI. But that doesn't mean they actually know much useful to tell you. Sometimes we just have to see what happens.

@shortmagsmle Unintentional humor

Barack Obama, to 5M people on social media: “boy folks I sure do love my wife let me tell ya” Michelle Obama, to 24 people listening to her podcast: “my life isn’t what I wanted it to be, and a lot of it is because of Barack, who is very imperfect”

If you want passionate love with your spouse, best to marry the first or second passionate love you find.

David Buss: @KILLTOPARTY "Many women dislike being treated as sex objects or valued for qualities largely beyond their control, such as youth and beauty, although some exploit these desires for their own ends. Many men dislike being treated as success objects or valued for the size of their investment portfolio and the importance of their status in a competitive world, although they too sometimes exploit these desires for their own ends."

“It’s dark because you’re trying too hard. Lightly, child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them.” — Aldous Huxley

The Evolution of Desire by David Buss The central question of the book is: What constituted adaptive behavior in ancestral environments? A related question follows naturally: What constitutes adaptive behavior in modern environments? I will shortly provide a comprehensive summary of the entire book. I have already shared summaries of all ten chapters. nonfictionnotes.com/2026/02/10/the…

@Naturalphilosy In my childhood, I only visited my aunt's house maybe ten times, yet it still feels like home.

“We look at the world once, in childhood. The rest is memory.” — Louise Glück

If you are a software engineer "experiencing some degree of mental health crisis", now hear this, because I've been coding for 50 years since the days of punched cards and I have a salutary kick in your ass to deliver. Get over yourself. Every previous "programming is obsolete" panic has been a bust, and this one's going to be too. The fundamental problem of mismatch between the intentions in human minds and the specifications that a computer can interpret hasn't gone away just because now you can do a lot of your programming in natural language to an LLM. Systems are still complicated. This shit is still difficult. The need for people who specialize in bridging that gap isn't going to go away. As usual, the answer is: upskill yourself and adapt. If a crusty old fart like me can do it, you can too.

@KILLTOPARTY Beautiful AI edition

Fellas? (beautiful mid edition)

"Psyche in the Underworld" (1865) By Eugène-Ernest Hillemacher. 🖌️🌹 (1818-1887)

The evolution of relationship advice on Reddit. [Link below.]

It seems odd that so many act so surprised by the distribution of intelligence in their world. Surely they could have learned of this distribution early in life. To not so learn, well isn't that a bit "stupid"?