ronald duck donald

You in the club: Dancing. Talking to women Me in the club: eatin dem ribs

Using “pretend time was too scary” as an excuse for not fucking with the rest of the cast is so awesome

We’re doing ads now for @airHQ

Me: ok you guys are shirts we’re skins Judge: the wife will get sole custody of the children

Sad borat: my wife

@dan_wickes He is going back to the farm so they can harvest

Have you ever noticed that Grimace and the McRib are never around at the same time?

barbie marketing: we have taken over the entire consumer goods market and built the entire barbie dream house to stay in as an AirBnB Oppenheimer marketing:

telling my projectionist, Mr Bean, to take very good care of this going up the stairs to the projector booth

as soon as i met this guy, i just knew i had to teach him about iPhone!!

@gelrdrgz Left is just @BeeLarryK1ng

summer hits and everyone in ny starts dressing like robin williams in the birdcage

You know it smell crazy in the twitter engineers office right now

Pissing so loud the whold damn restaurant thinks someone ordered fajitas

Posting on threads twitter and bluesky all at once

[taking long drag of a cigarette in 2059] first it was just twitter. Then threads and bluesky came along. Now blackrock has their own site called pebbles

[reaching out to IT for support] i’m so scared i think my girlfriend hates me

I had to wear one of these freshman year of highschool when i broke my collar bone the second time and one of the hottest girls i knew called me weird back brace kid for 4 months

Gotta buy a dial of destiny poster to make my crystal skull poster less lonely

Seeing two dudes hug each other goodbye on the subway brings a tear to my eye

Everyone wants their dog to talk until it starts moaning when you pet it