
When someone we love is in pain, we can worry, feel sad, or even scared for them. But instead of showing those emotions, we may try to stay “strong,” hiding our feelings so we don’t burden them.
This may seem helpful or caring. But what if hiding those negative emotions actually makes their pain worse?
Psychological research shows that social support usually helps people cope with pain (Roberts et al., 2015). Yet growing evidence suggests that even well-intended support can sometimes backfire (Che et al., 2018). One possible reason is emotional suppression — when people hide their feelings while trying to be supportive.
Interacting with someone who suppresses their emotions can be stressful (Peters et al., 2016). People often perceive suppressors as less responsive, less authentic, and harder to connect with (e.g., Butler et al., 2003; Impett et al., 2014). Consistent with this, research in the UK shows that when people feel their partner hides emotions, they report greater relationship strain and — quite fascinatingly — more frequent physical pain (Ses & Lamarche, in preparation).
But here’s the twist: most research on emotional suppression comes from WEIRD societies, where expressing emotions is seen as authentic (Markus & Kitayama, 1991), and suppression can signal distance (Butler et al., 2007). Beyond the West, emotional restraint can mean something very different—respect, maturity, and social harmony (Matsumoto et al., 2008). What looks distant in one culture may look caring in another.
So what happens to relationships and physical health when suppression is culturally normative?
Ovgun Ses (@OvgunSs), a PhD student at the University of Essex (@Uni_of_Essex) working with Dr. Veronica Lamarche (@v_lamarche), is exploring exactly this question. She examines whether the UK pattern holds in cultures that value emotional restraint. When a close other is suppressive, do people feel poorer support and more frequent pain? Ovgun focuses on Türkiye and India to represent the collectivistic end of the global cultural continuum.
For Ovgun, this topic is also personal. “I’ve been fascinated by how close relationships shape something as physical as pain,” she says. “People genuinely want to help each other, but sometimes the very things we do to protect others have unintended consequences.”
Ovgun uses survey methods to measure perceived emotional suppression and test whether it relates to pain through reduced authenticity, lower support quality, and greater relational strain.
Around one in five adults worldwide lives with ongoing pain, many relying on close others to cope (Goldberg & McGee, 2011; Gong et al., 2024). Understanding when support helps and when it harms could improve how we make people's lives better across cultures.
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