FastLaugh

@rockskimmer —That Mesopotamian Show

@rockskimmer —That Mesopotamian Show

Still waiting on the long overdue Gilgamesh sitcom. Maybe they’re just looking for a good title? —Gilgamesh About the House —That’s So Epic —Somethin’s Up with Gilgamesh —Cuneiform Me a Letter

@MysterySolvent Pervple

If Matt Gaetz were a new crayon color, what would it be called?

Q: If Ted Cruz were a new beverage, what would it be named? A: Cancun Cola

Q: Where does George Santos get his sweaters? A: The Credibility Gap

Q: What’s the name of this band? A: A Frock of Seagulls

@rockskimmer Nick picks cheese sticks at the cheese store. 🧀

My family just invented a new-to-the-world tongue twister: “She’s sick? Cheese stick!” We’re going to be millionaires.

@RobertGarcia @RuPaul To paraphrase, “Good job, you f - - - - ed it up.”

Anyone want to guess what my @RuPaul quote to Marjorie Taylor Greene will be?

Just wait till I start quoting @RuPaul on the House floor. 💅🏽🏳️‍🌈✨👯

@rockskimmer Schrödinger, in the checkout line at Walmart, buying a shovel to bury his cat and a big bag of cat food to simultaneously feed it. He announced his planned physics experiment to the person behind him in line but sadly for his cat, that person was not fluent in Austrian-Irish.

Schrödinger, in the pet supplies aisle at Walmart, uncertain how much cat food to buy.

@rockskimmer You Make Me Feel Like Pantsing could plausibly have been sung by this guy.

You Make Me Feel Like Dancing could plausibly have been sung by Elmo.

#CannibalismRomCom @StephenKing 10 Things I Ate About You Pretty, Tasty Woman Boneless in Seattle

#InflationSizedConfections One Musketeer @rockskimmer

@rockskimmer Newborn Ruth #InflationSizedConfections

M or M’s, in this economy

For barbers… Make it Hairbnb @rockskimmer

#CheezItExperiments @tacobell’s “Mini Cheez-It Tostada” conveyor belt that delivers your Taco Bell 🔔 order directly into your mouth at the drive-up window without all of that wasteful, costly packaging.

@tribelaw @JohnWDean If Scavino eventually flips, that will be a BIG DEAL. #SurpriseWitness

My hunch is that the #SurpriseWitness will meet and surpass @JohnWDean’s Alex Butterfield threshold. Tick tok

#NextSCOTUSOutrage Supermarkets prohibited from selling fertilized eggs for human consumption because that would kill the chicken fetuses before they could grow large enough to be monetized by the Poultry-Industrial Complex controlled by the supermarkets. #ClarenceThomasLogic

@felixgillette 👍

@koblin @felixgillette I’ll look forward to reading. I’m a former HBO (The Comedy Channel) employee (1990-1993) from the era of The Comedy Channel vs. Ha! kerfuffle between Fuchs and Biondi that morphed into HBO Downtown Productions and Comedy Central. Fun times those were!

IT'S NOT TV, the HBO book I've been working on with @felixgillette for the last 3+ years, is on sale now and comes out in November! Enjoy the cover, and hit the pre-order button. Fun stuff! bit.ly/ItsNotTV

@BreitbartNews That’s nothing, folks! My dental hygienist, who delivered a passionate plea for me to brush and floss more regularly, has given me 11 toothbrushes, 11 tubes of @Crest, and enough floss to macrame a two-person hammock during the last three years, according to my appreciative gums.

Matthew McConaughey, who delivered a passionate plea for new gun control legislation in an address at the White House briefing room on Tuesday, has used 19 guns in 11 movies over 25 years, according to the Internet Movie Firearms Database. trib.al/Oj73rdy