Good Jayem

@DonutOperator Why?

Going to get married. Ask me anything.

Quoting cos this is the funniest thing I've seen this week...

I for join for this Barca banter but @Greef_Karrga fit de OBS me

Religion...but even when Jesus tried, people only ended up making up a whole new religion...

@oku_yungx Noted.

I need a nonchalant response to “I hate you”

@TrevohChalobah It's official... Nigerians run the world...from the back anyways...

I go charge phone small, now I don return

Step 1- Create a problem nonchalantly. Step 2- Ship the problem to Africa like the West do. Step 3 (a/b) Blame Africa if it degenerates further/Extract the subject back to the West and call it a successful intervention if conditions improve. Try Classical Intl School Warri.

@frmarcellinus @max_coupet Ahhhhhhhbbhh.

One more year before it becomes forever.

@a4lasade His ancestors must be proud of him now

I got back from the shop around 5pm today, very tired. My man was already home from work and had even bought dinner from my favorite restaurant. As we were eating, I just started laughing. He looked at me and asked why. I reminded him of the day his uncle called from the village to say his father had passed. Before I could finish, he quickly told me to stop talking if I didn’t want a repeat of what happened that night. I said I didn’t mind and continued 😂 I told him how, instead of crying immediately, he dragged me to the bedroom and we started knacking… and it was only after everything that he finally sat down and cried. We both just started laughing. Sometimes people process grief in very unexpected ways, shock can make someone act “normal” for a while before reality fully hits.

@0ba0sama Waiting for Elon to quote with 'Banger'

Americans after finding that a group of fish is called 'school'

What does he tell his fellow prisoners when he's asked what he's in for???

@ytsuji2001 @birds_justice Yeah, we're at that point now.

@birds_justice いちいち翻訳しなくてもコミュニケーションが通じるようになりましたね

일론 머스크가 괜히 자동 번역 기능을 넣은 게 아니었구나. 이 사람은 대체 몇 수 앞에 본거냐. 천재는 천재구나...

Basically littering the moon... He should be fined

@KikelomoSowore I see as the thing first long and I solve am less than 5secs... I come de imagine if you don get your own formula...as I open am well I just shake head....lacoco no good

The working is working. Don’t miss my class.

@dranthoniaeddo 😭

Have you ever heard of the darkest chapter of prostitution in Indonesia? Its victim wasn't human, but an orangutan named Pony. > Born around 1996, Pony was taken from her mother when she was still a baby and ended up enslaved in a brothel in Kereng Pangi Village, Central Kalimantan. > Tragically, she was forced into sex work to satisfy the lust of local palm oil workers, at an extremely low rate of just around Rp35,000 to Rp38,000 per session. > As the "main star," Pony was forced to serve many customers multiple times a day without respite, making her the brothel owner's biggest money-making machine. > Pony was chained to a filthy mattress, and all her fur was shaved off every two days to expose her skin, leaving her covered in infected wounds and mosquito bites. > She was made to wear lipstick, perfume, jewelry, and cruelly trained to flirt; her body would reflexively sway her hips every time a man passed by her room. > Ironically, because she was seen as exotic (a novelty), Pony was far more popular and often chosen by customers over the human female sex workers in the same place. > Her rescue in February 2003 was highly dramatic; BOSF and the authorities had to deploy 35 armed personnel because the brothel owner fiercely resisted to protect their "talisman." > Now, Pony has successfully regained her natural instincts and lives freely in the wild habitat of Borneo, serving as a living witness to the grim exploitation of wildlife and a symbol of conservation success.

@WhatsApp Everyone saying the same thing just shows the love for the club

yep, it’s official

Canada is cooked

NASA knows vlc got all the codecs, even for alien sounds...and at 200%...

@samo_skey This is some morbid shit

I grabbed the day nurse. Pulled her outside the room. Told her what happened. She looked through the glass at him. “That’s Mr. Chukwu,” she said. “He’s been here two weeks. Recovering from surgery.” “He was dead,” I said. “I signed the form.” She looked at me the way people look at someone they’ve already decided is the problem.

The patient in room 9 died at 3am. I was there. I watched the monitor flatline. I helped cover the body. I signed the form. At 6am he was sitting up in bed eating breakfast.

@Austeiin U collect take away...na that part sweet me...at least u go de cry de chop

This just brought back memories I’ve been avoiding since 2015 😭 August 12th, 2015 (3 days to her birthday), my supposed girlfriend invited me to Lekki….said I should come and celebrate her birthday early because she might travel with her “uncle.” I carry my full chest from Surulere, order Uber, even buy foodstuff to cook fried rice and turkey. I reach there, we gist, laugh, cook together… everything dey sweet. Next thing, oga of the house show up. I’m thinking na the uncle. Baby girl now introduces him as… her fiancé 😭💔 I nearly faint. The only thing wey calm me down be say the guy dey move with like 2–3 military men. I just respect myself immediately 😭 My appetite vanish. I quietly pack takeaway and comot. As I dey go house, she text me say she had to end things like that because the guy go likely propose on her birthday and she go relocate go Greece soon. As if that one no do, she still warn me: “Don’t post anything about me o… if my fiancé see am, I go deny you and say you dey disturb my life. Him go use soldiers lock you up.” 😭 In one day, I chop breakfast AND collect military warning 😭😂 Since that day, we never speak again. 11 years later… that day still be like movie to me😂