Parenting Presently

[last night] My dad: If you wake up before us, hit the bold button and then the brew button to make coffee. Me: Ok, got it. My dad: I can show you Me: Really, I got it. I have the same machine at home. [this morning]

I asked my 4yo on the way home from preschool what the best part of her day was and she said, “The best part of my day was you coming to get me.” And then she smiled. And I tried not to cry 🥹

Me: tomorrow is 90s day at school 4yo: who’s Ninety? Is she real? Me: The 90s was a period of time about 30 years ago when Mommy was a little girl 4yo: is Ninety dead? Me: I guess you could say that

4: Mommy, what would you say if my arm was broken and someone tried to cut it off? Me: I’d say, back away from my little girl! 4: and I’d say, you have to cut through my mommy first! Me: 4: and then I’d call the police

We have two seats on the sofa that recline. My daughter sits on one and my son on the other. They love to use the recliner function. Nevermind that their legs do not reach past the couch cushion. That’s a minor detail. My husband and I are just fine on the nonreclining seats.

It’s raining and my 3.5yo says his knee is acting up. So, it’s safe to say we spend too much time with grandpa.

Sometimes self-care looks like not cancelling your dentist appointment

Me when I pretend to fall asleep during my kids bedtime: 🤫🥱😴💤 Me trying to fall asleep in my own bed: 🙃🤔🤯🫨

Ok so my husband and I are mad at each other, and I just noticed on the grocery list he wrote "A Better Attitude" Do I laugh or….?

I reflected sunlight off my phone and said it was Tinkerbell. My kids chased Tink around the house for over an hour. Who needs toys anyways 🧚

My washing machine claiming it only has 1 minute left is why I have trust issues

“Mommy, I accidentally had an accident… on the floor” And other things they left out of parenting books

Don’t worry about me spilling the tea. Spilling the coffee, however, is a given especially when wearing a new top.

My kids say they're sick of pizza Fridays, and frankly, I'm starting to question if they're really mine or there was a mixup at the hospital.

Them: what kind of person are you? Me:

Marriage tip: If your wife says it’s ok for you to go out on a guys night while she stays with the kids, bring back something juicy for her to enjoy and feast on, like gossip.

Woke up earlier than planned but at least I also got nothing done

@ericamorecambe 🔥🔥🔥

Do the parents “making special memories” on Facebook every week know that they could just go for a walk and chat with their kids instead?

Sitting in a nice train, looking out of the window, watching fields go by, is therapy.

And now we brace for the trillions of cicadas about to swarm like 6-year olds on a soccer ball.