Tally McLongpants

Remember when standardized tests were all like: “One train is traveling at 60mph, the other is traveling at 50mph. At what point did you realize you were a disappointment to your parents?”

@AmericaReal3 Code brown

@_Sprinkles_77 @traderjoeslut Pitching or catching?!?!?

@traderjoeslut Anal sex

what’s the male equivalent to flowers?

@RedVelvetVixxx How tall on stilts though?

5'7" ish, 6 feet in a good pair of stilettos.

Happy Monochrome Monday

@aphotomama Maybe get a fan or something

My bedroom 😜

@Remi_Grl2 Yes.

@tall_guy_stuff No

A1

Finally a sign I can get behind

@jeanisalunatic I had classes where I did both. I prefer my disappointment to be instant

@tall_guy_stuff Well then, lucky you. 😅

I miss 35mm film and how special photos were for being raw and unedited, I miss hard copies, and the joy of getting them developed.

@ralph_maple @unhingebinge @OneToothTeXan I think that’s the one where women take a dump outside after 3 glasses of wine.

@unhingebinge @OneToothTeXan Level 3 you say? 👀

Just have to make it through the week without anyone triggering my level 3 crazy.

@thefacelessmaam Ok, fine. But will probably sigh and roll my eyes about it.

I genuinely need a tall, strong man to come over and put my cast iron pot on the stove 🤣🤣🤣. It’s out of my reach and I need to work on my upper body

I title this poem: “All the harlots want my penis.”

@thatgirlj88 I want you to go back to bed

Why does everybody want something from me when I’m sleepy?

@thefacelessmaam I’m going to need 100% less asparagus and 800% more eggs please.

Here slut, I made your breakfast

@jeanisalunatic ***Googles scissoring the moon for science

@tall_guy_stuff It’s a lesbian love affair actually.

The sexual tension between me and the moon.

@jeanisalunatic **Googles “moondick” for science

@tall_guy_stuff We fuck regularly, what are you talking about.

@ButterPecanHole @bitchbi45 Lonely and desperate simps pay for such ridiculousness. I can’t think of a bigger waste of money.

@tall_guy_stuff @bitchbi45 What an odd way to admit your broke lmao

Why would you DM someone if your house was on fire?!?!?! Call 911 like a normal person. Holy shit. 😂😂😂😂😂