ben, eit

@cavempty_ road work ahead? that’s pretty good signage but let’s see the taper for the lane capture

How it felt if you were rooting for Iran

@DragonflyJonez unless you get refs you’re playing pretend soccer with no rules

If anyone here plays “pickup” soccer, do yall actually call offsides when it happens there

@jESSPEEBEE @defaultnamenull valid

@defaultnamenull Wife just justifiably accused me of this because I tried to tell her I didn’t know how to cut up a watermelon

White people be like:

@SydneyBattle this isn’t a trick you just have to count the amount of time that the game is stopped

no one asked but my party trick is being able to guess the amount of stoppage time in a soccer match

if an elephant fits in the room that’s a big ass room

@runesword1 brigands on a boat

@teapoweredhuman @SydneyBattle it should be from your hips 100%

@SydneyBattle It should absolutely be only if an entire foot is beyond the line, not ass!!

i don’t have super strong opinions on VAR in soccer but i do take issue with a goal being invalidated bc the computer showed that a player’s fat, toned ass happened to poke past the defender guarding him

@coughdropsh corvid gang

I fear I’m sitting with the waterfowl

down af

Dudes love to go on hikes where they can see other hikes they've been on and point and say, "hey, I've hiked over there" (I'm dudes)

@DoucheFinder_ @CrazyFenaker dude named douchebag finder is an insurrection apologist to the surprise of no one

If paint is peeling off a pool, due to shoddy workmanship and improper treatment of the water by park personnel, it is NOT a crime to touch or photograph it. Literally hundreds of journalists have done that. Trump charging random people seems like more lawfare. No way they get convictions. More nonsense so that MAGA can blame someone other than Trump's incompetent no-bid contractors.

@1fenlon yea

do you guys fw my embroidered xbox 360 hoodie

yeah i got nothing

@wolfie_ @jjohnpotter you are on the menu 😖

@jjohnpotter conveyor belt sushi restaurant but you’re on the conveyor

Let’s make a parking garage cafe where you continuously get driven around in a car

you ain’t gon believe me

@CalmTooCold lmaoooo

Check out the "instructions" on this pre roll lmao. "2 pulls then wait 10 min" why bother nobody on earth smokes a joint that way that's so stupid and wasteful and makes your bud taste awful ???

“yeezus so funny”