James Murphy

Had to watch Goldeneye earlier, because my microwave dinner had the instruction "Pierce film before heating".

@DRYuillKirkwood @ladychatterley The UKCA symbol is the UK's own safety certification that replaced the CE mark after Brexit. All products coming into the UK need this mark (exactly the same as CE, but "British" 😒) It doesn't mean UK to Canada, but I think this is for parts of USA, Mexico, Canada & Japan

@ladychatterley Canada I think, UK to CA on back

Does anyone here know where this adaptor plug is meant to be used? Thank you.

Why do golfers always carry a spare pair of pants? In case they shit them I think that's the punchline, I dunno. I'll be honest, it's been a while since I've heard this one. Took a flyer on it. #jokes #classic

Nothing to see here, just Ancient Greeks making dildoughs, as you do. Fuck-accia Ciabatt-her Pit-ahhhhhh Pump-her-nickel Naan-of-your-business Sorry everyone. I'm not proud of this tweet.

It's beyond shameful that Rishi Sunak thinks threatening to sack nurses and teachers is the answer. We’ll oppose this divisive attack on working people. huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/sunak-an…

Is anyone else doing Dry January? I am... And I'm so confident, that I've taken the rubber sheet off my bed. #DryJanuary #dryjanuary2023

That's it. That's the story.

Labour are a team, @Keir_Starmer, @WesStreeting and I are fully united in our determination to fix the NHS. The most urgent issue facing the NHS is a lack of staff. That is why Labour has a plan to reform healthcare across the country, recruiting more staff.

They did!

@Missives0fASub @DavidBedwell @LouiseOnAir Better late than never. Flu has been well and truly kicking my arse this past week. Hope you all had a lovely Christmas and New Year. Did Santa bring you everything you wanted? Sadly, he didn't for me. I asked for World peace... Nah, did I balls. I asked for a Mr Frosty ☹️

Sorry my amazing original #TwitterFam @DavidBedwell @AverageCynic and @LouiseOnAir I didn’t wish you happy new year. In my defence none of you did either. Love you all xxx

It's a terrible business strategy to call the customer a liar if your driver fails at their job twice. We are going to go through PayPal for the refund. Really shitty service.

.@JustEatUK One of your drivers has marked order as "Delivered" but they have not been here! We just applied for a refund and have had an immediate reply saying request has been declined (because this happened previously). You need to look at your driver in the Castleford area!!

Is this a parody account? It must be, surely. The number of beds isn't the problem... There are no staff to look after the people in those bed (main reason for Nurse's strikes) This is like saying a single builder could build more stuff if you simply give him 5 toolkits.

Hi @RoyalMail I know you've had strikes, but a Xmas present was posted on 6th December and the tracking is still showing as "we've got it" at the post office it was posted at. Can you check this is true. And if it is, why hasn't it moved anywhere in almost 3 weeks?!

Thanks for the "Goodwill Gesture" @JustEatUK We ordered lunch and half of the order was totally missing. You very kindly refunding us for stuff we didn't get is awfully nice. It's the same level of service that I've had from Nissan, and I've never bought anything from Nissan

Grealish really does give you so many extra options when he comes on. He can receive the ball, take it forward 3 paces, before stopping, turning around and passing back to Luke Shaw. Or he can receive the ball, take it forward 4 paces.... #ENGSEN #WorldCup

Netherlands looking like they could really "Netherlands" this. #WorldCup #NEDUSA

The best werewolf transformation ever!

Just incredible. Where are the medical experts?!? Clearly a very nasty head injury. No way should he have been allowed to continue for any amount of time. #FIFAWorldCup

I'm calling it now. 70+% possession = a 1-0 win (Kane penalty) #FIFAWorldCup #ENGIRN

England dressing room before kick off Southgate: "Remember lads. Most importantly of all... It's "God save the KING" now. Okay? Let's go!" #FIFAWorldCup #ENGIRN