Huge Jacknuts

*at liquor store* Employee: ‘what’s the occasion?’ Me: ‘it’s tornado warning season’ ‘That it is…’

Went to the Oreo website and hit accept all cookies. Now we wait.

the guy next to me paid my tab tonight. I guess it was the dead wife story idk.

Looks like I picked the wrong day to trip on psychedelic mushrooms… or did I

The Black Crowes. My ears were pushed in like sails

‘UTAH?!! Get me ✌🏽’

Garlic bread is just regular bread that's in the mafia.

me as a therapist: omg me too.

I have a 12 year old nephew named Mason and I watch his baseball games and basketball games and I guess I’m the weirdo uncle because every time I see him I greet him with ‘Shave your face with some Mason the dark’ He will get it some day.

I just checked my 2026 planner and today at 215pm I’m scheduled to ‘Relax, Don’t Do It’

@pplprsn1 ‘Only if the first round of Dry Line Martinis are on you’ lol

@BreadedMark "Let's meet at the Mezzo". Nice ring to it.

Think I’ll open up a bar called The Mezzocyclone…

You don’t want to get Munson’d out there today.

@Iced_Chardonnay 8

9 or 10

This is my tornado shelter today. It’s also where I cry when things get too much for me. And where I rage eat Meat Lovers Pizzas by the slice…

I hope the tornado shenanigans this week doesn’t prevent me from seeing Yakov Smirnoff in Branson this weekend

Today is ‘Thank god I don’t live in a mobile home’ day. I literally live at the end of the Red Arrow #okwx

And on the seventh day, god golfed.

mark, my words! (mark brings me a dictionary).

Why does Great Wolf Lodge continue to send me emails? We went there once in 2006. My kids are in their 20s man..