Calvin Murata

A second spit has hit the field

Sitting alone in the dark hitting the hardest first down celebrations all day

If Jalen hurts was my QB I’d also be reading Colleen Hoover on the bench

Lee Corso is more competent than Livvy Dunne making picks

*gets T-boned by a drunk driver” My friend who was driving: “Cal, are you okay?” Me who just watched 6 straight seasons of Drive to Survive: “Looks like we’re gonna have to retire the car. Box, box.”

Please play Big Bootie Mix at my funeral

The Weekend Update joke swap but it’s Shane and Bowen Yang

Standing desks are crazy because I’m leaning on it like I’m waiting for a drink and the bartender refuses to look at me

Me when the song goes “Spend my dollar…”

If Alabama loses this game I vow to never drunkenly sing the ad libs of Dixieland Delight

Got an iPad for Christmas, now I can lose money on FanDuel but on a bigger screen 😎

2024 resolutions: - grow mustache - vape less - smoke more cigarettes

I’m down astronomically bad, my Spotify Wrapped is identical to every person on Instagram that I hate

@mrsegobiano Hard to justify a firing with his overall record, but even he seems like he can’t handle the pressure of this insane fan base (not many can). I wouldn’t be surprised with either outcome.

@CalMurata Couldn’t agree more. Knowles didn’t even have a bad coaching game, day just put him in brutal positions… you think it’s days last game as a buckeye?

@mrsegobiano Nah this was on Day for sure. Kyle didn’t do the team any favors outside of a couple decent throws

@CalMurata The first pick was tough but McCord played solid. If someone thinks the game was on McCord they don’t know ball

“Ryan, why didn’t you go for it on 4th and 1 from the 48?” “Because I couldn’t punt it from the 49” - Ryan Day 2023

This is how he’s going to walk into Geico headquarters every morning at 9AM

It’s 7AM in Maui, I’m about to wake up the whole AirBNB screaming “I WANT TO DIE” after our first offensive play isn’t a touchdown

@thatpaulingkid Not the time.

Mom: it’s so cute how you’re rooting for Purdue Me (with Purdue -3.5 and a 24oz Kona Big Wave deep): haha yeah

@E_Raze7 @truncewoody The Truncellito line bump 😩

@CalMurata -3, shoutout @truncewoody