julianne simitz

THEM: “So, you’re a comedian? What’s that like?” ME:

No matter what happens today, I got a sick tan working at the polls so at least I’ll look HOT for the Civil War 🥵🤣🤪😭

Tim Waltz checks more boxes than a gynecologist ✅😆 let’s goooo! #HarrisWaltz2024

I mean, he’s no Tim Kaine but… 🤪😂🤣😭 #HarrisWalz2024

Super? More like Mids Bowl AT BEST

Cry January going GREAT 😭

Perfect metaphor for DC tbh 💁‍♀️

@sweetwaterbrew Helpful 🤣😭🤪

@DCjulesdoesLA yellorange?

@sweetwaterbrew settle a v contentious bar debate? What COLOR is your Hazy IPA can??

Eagles game got more flags than the U.N. 😅🦅😭

Not my kicker having more pts than my QB rn 😅🤣😭 #fantasy #week4

😂🏈💚🦅🤍🤣

yeah, LA is cool but have you tried going 1132 days without meeting a single influencer?? 💅

Do you think we call our partners "baby" because we want to love and care for and nurture them OR because, several times a day, we're forced to see their poop? 🥴

@ask_aubry Her OBGYN was in my old office building. Rode the elevator with her when she was pregnant af with her first son, and yet… 🙄

Hilary Duff looking fit af and these dudes...

Okay, so I'm not an alien (as far as I know) BUT they did tell me that Earth is the Florida of the Universe—and I believe ‘em!

In a relationship and just found out I’m legally required to say “babe” no less than 7,531 times per day 🥰 (pls send help)

Ayyye 🥳🪩📲 @dcjulesdoesla" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener">threads.net/@dcjulesdoesla

😐😐😐

@Ramsey_Campbell @Ed_Ackerman YOURE WELCOME 😆

@Ed_Ackerman I ditched all my cargos years ago, I blame @DCjulesdoesLA

At the bar waiting for a beer, this older YT dude chats me up. Says he was going to a concert but found out the performer was a “transvestite” and he didn’t want to see “that freaky shit.” Next breath homeboy explains that last wknd he saw an awesome David Bowie tribute band 🤦‍♀️