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David Keyes
2.3K posts
David Keyes
@DavidMKeyes
Former spokesman & advisor to Israel's Prime Minister, startup founder, pranker of dictators. TOTAL VICTORY. https://t.co/86WF4X0Hjz [email protected]
เข้าร่วม Ocak 2012
514 กำลังติดตาม61.2K ผู้ติดตาม
🚨 Breaking: Israel just made a dramatic new promise to the Iranian people: we'll drone your Basij commander in 30 minutes or less, or it's free.
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As a former spokesman myself, I condemn this in the strongest possible terms.
Just kidding this is fucking awesome.
Israel Defense Forces@IDF
🔴ELIMINATED: Ali Mohammad Naini, the Spokesperson and Head of the Public Relations Array of the IRGC. Naini served in several propaganda and public relations roles. In his role as the IRGC's main propagandist for the past 2 years, he disseminated the regime's terrorist propaganda to its proxies across the Middle East in order to influence and advance terror attacks against Israel.
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🚨 Hope he doesn't escape because of this post, but IRGC General Iznekst is next. He spent decades brutalizing his people and trying to build nukes to destroy the West, so good riddance!!!
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🚨🚨🚨 Israel's supply of "Eliminated" images has been eliminated.
Please pray for us.
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General Ismail Ahmadi, Basij intelligence chief, is next.
Check the news in 3 minutes and he will be no more.
My sources are impeccable.
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Let's just take a minute to thank America and Israel for eliminating THOUSANDS of the worst terrorists in the world. Jihadists who sought to destroy freedom, who imposed a brutal tyranny on 90 million people and who killed so many innocent souls.
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🚨🚨🚨 Sources at the highest level tell me IRGC General Eli Minated will be eliminated next. He's a vicious terrorist with much blood on his hands. He will not be missed from this Earth.
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If you are a senior IRGC commander who wants to be featured in one of my upcoming jokes, just DM me. It's gonna be the bomb.
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Let's just say if I was Ghalibaf I'd stay away from barbers for a while.
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Kamil Mutiʿ Doust is next. Don't ask me how I know, but I know.
Sorry, buddy, but maybe next time don't try destroying the West.
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🚨🚨🚨 Israel drones new Basij head at funeral of previous Basij head droned at previous Basij head's funeral.
Details to follow.
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I HATE to admit it, but Larijani was open to a deal. He sent an emissary to me offering to drop Iran's demand to develop nukes to destroy Israel and instead destroy us with thousands of ballistic missiles. I passed along the message, but as usual the West preferred war. Sad!
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🚨 Is your ex-wife Basij? Send me the coordinates and I'll pass it along to the IDF.
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🚨URGENT: Israel rapidly running out of pictures of Basij commanders with word "ELIMINATED" over them
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🚨🚨🚨 Breaking: HUGE attacks right now in the Borazjan area of the Bushehr Province of the Shahid Haj Qasem Soleimani-ye Nowabad-e Bozorg-e Olya va Sofla-ye Markazi-ye Darreh Golestan-e Sabzvaran Imam Khomeini-ye Shahrestan-e Mehrganabad-e Jadid-e Bala-ye Khorasan District.
Indonesia
🚨 Iran switches to whiteboard to announce new Basij head, "Just made more sense given...you know," says senior officer about to be droned himself
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If Israel drones a Basij in the forest and no one sees it, was he actually eliminated? Serious question I'm not sure the answer to.
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Will Durant's books must be selling off the shelves after @netanyahu mentioned him during last night's press conference. Basically, this war is making Durant VERY rich. Did Durant push for the war to enrich himself? We have to ask: who benefits? INVESTIGATE DURANT NOW!!!
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🚨 If your mother-in-law is Basij, just send me her coordinates and I'll pass them along.
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