Zombie Hunter

Zombie Jesus! Did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?

I glanced over at my attorney, but he seemed oblivious–watching the road, driving our Great Red Rhino along at a hundred and ten or so.

There was no sound from the back seat.

Maybe I’d better have a chat with the boy, I thought. Perhaps if I explain things, he’ll rest easy.

Of course. I leaned around in the seat and gave him a fine big smile… admiring the shape of his skull.

He stared at me, not blinking. Was he gritting his teeth? “Can you hear me?” I yelled. He nodded.

“That’s good,” I said. “Because I want you to know that we’re on our way to Denver to find the Living Dead.”

I smiled. “That's why we rented this tank. It was the only way to do it. Can you grasp that?”

He nodded again, but his eyes were nervous. “I want you to have some background,” I said.

“Because this is a very ominous assignment–with overtones of extreme personal danger… Hell, I forgot all about the guns; you want one?”

Hell, I forgot all about the guns; you want one?” He shook his head. “How about some virus?” I said. “What?”

“Never mind. Let’s get right to the heart of this. You see, about twenty-four hours ago we were sitting in a hash bar at the Paris Hilton-

-and we were just sitting there under a palm tree when this uniformed dwarf came up to me with a pink telephone and said,

‘This must be the call you’ve been waiting for all this time, sir.’”

I laughed and shot off a round that ejected a shell into the back seat while I kept talking.

“And you know, he was right! I’d been expecting that call, but didn’t know who it would come from. Do you follow me?”

The boy’s face was a mask of pure fear and bewilderment.

I blundered on: "I want you to understand that this man at the wheel is my attorney! He's not just some dingbat I found in the Zone.

Shit, look at him! He doesn't look like you or me, right? That's because he's a foreigner. I think he's probably Somoan.

But it doesn't matter, does it? Are you prejudiced?" "Oh, hell no!" he blurted.