Matt Van Swol@mattvanswol
One year ago, I publicly came out in support of President Trump.
I had absolutely no idea how severe the backlash would be.
The Left tried to destroy everything good in my life.
My job. My family. Our safety.
We lost more friends than I ever could have imagined.
Politics is so tribal, and it can be that way on BOTH the Left and Right.
But something interesting I noticed...
...is that my Right-leaning friends were my friends even when I was liberal, and they stayed consistently my friends when I moved to the Right.
My liberal friends, on the other hand, pretty much all abandoned us, except for a small few.
There’s a specific kind of grief that comes from realizing people didn’t just disagree with you…
...they re-categorized you as "unsafe"
Someone once told me that, in person.
"We don't feel safe with you."
Like you became a different species overnight.
Like everything you’d ever done for them, every memory, every “I’ve got you!” suddenly didn’t count for anything at all..
The noise online is one thing, I've learned to tune almost all of the hate out.
Even de*th threats rarely bother me now, as insane as that is.
The hardest part...
Watching my wife jump every time the camera notifications went off.
Watching my kids live under a microscope they didn’t choose.
Doing the math in my head about safety and work and whether I’d just completely destroyed the stability of our home because I spoke honestly.
I didn’t feel brave.
I felt sick, I felt like I did something wrong and was being punished for it.
It still feels that way, a lot of the time... my wife and I are still shunned from many friend groups we once had.
I think that's when I finally learned what "tribal" meant... a real willingness to punish, to exile, and make an example out of someone to "teach them a lesson."
The funny thing is... my right-leaning friends didn’t “welcome me” when I changed, they just NEVER LEFT.
We disagreed, for sure.
But they never tried to take my livelihood, never tried to scare my family, and never tried to turn my kids into collateral damage.
I think, especially in that way in particular, the Right does far, far better than the Left.
There’s a difference between disagreement and dehumanization.
There's a difference between:
a) “I think you’re wrong” and
b) “you’re dangerous, and your family deserves suffering.”
That’s a social enforcement system, something I was inside of and didn't know I was in, until I broke out of it.
There's a reason the Left does it... it works.
…and that’s the irony, specifically on the Left
A movement that prides itself on tolerance only applies it to people who already agree with them.
And once you see that, you can’t unsee it.
I think one year out... I'm still in a weird stage of grief.
For the friendships we lost, the community we once had, the old way of life where we didn't have to think about safety very much at all, and where my kids didn't have to go through life inheriting the consequences of adults who they themselves couldn’t handle disagreement.
But, even through all that...
Life is better now than it was a year ago.
We went to church for the first time ever, with our kids.
We found a new community of friends.
We got closer with the friends who stuck around.
We got the chance to be wrong, and learn.
We got room... to grow.
Room to be imperfect.
Room to disagree.
Room to be wrong.
It's not necessarily easier, but it has made life more clear, and I’d rather be condemned for my convictions than rewarded for my compliance.
One year out... I do not regret supporting President Trump.
I regret not supporting him sooner.
