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Bizarre Transfers • Satire only ⚽

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🚨Thierry Henry on Arsenal: “I’ll say it a thousand times, just give me the league. That’s all I want. I don’t care if Arsenal lose the Champions League final. Mikel Arteta, just bring us the Premier League. That’s all I’m asking for.” (via @Fabrizio_Romano)
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🚨| Gary Lineker on the UCL final: “I think the final will be fascinating. PSG have to be the favourites. They’ve won it before but AFC are a tough nut to crack. Finals are often dogged affairs and I’ve just got this sneaky feeling that AFC will do the double. “I think PSG have to be favourites in this game, you’d probably say 60-40 in their favour, something like that, but I’ve just got a feeling. My feelings are usually wrong by the way! In fact, at my age I’m just glad to have any feelings!”
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🚨 | Aurelien Tchouameni has told Álvaro Arbeloa he would rather “set his balls on fire” than play with Federico Valverde again. (via @SkySportPL)
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🚨| Diego Simeone Arsenal qualifying for UEFA Champions League final: “People will say they were the better team… but let’s be honest about how they played. It wasn’t about creativity or dominating football, it was about moments, set-pieces, and killing the game. If that’s what people call top football now, then fine. But for me, that’s not the kind of football you respect, it’s just effective. They did what they had to do… but let’s not pretend it was beautiful.”
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🚨Vincent Kompany ahead of FC Bayern Munich vs Paris Saint-Germain: “We’re not here to respect reputations, we’re here to dominate. We’re not giving them a second to breathe, no space, no time, no comfort. I’ve already told my players, we’re beating them 3-0. This isn’t France, things are done differently here. At the Allianz, we don’t give chances, we take them. If they think it’s the same PSG, they’re in for a shock.”
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🚨🗣️ NEW: Jamie Carragher reacts to Arsenal celebrations after reaching the UEFA Champions League final “Celebrating like you’ve already won it?” 🗣️“I don’t get it. It’s a shame to be celebrating in such manner, You’ve done well to get past Atlético Madrid, but let’s be honest about the football.” “There’s not enough creativity, it’s very reliant on set-pieces and moments rather than real control. You go into a final against FC Bayern Munich or Paris Saint-Germain playing like that, you’ll get found out. Enjoy it, yes! but the job is nowhere near done. And right now, I don’t see a team playing like this lifting the trophy.”
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🗣️| Mikel Arteta on João Pedro bicycle kick goal against Nottingham Forest: “Chelsea are very lucky to have João. It’s not easy to score in a that kind of goal, even Thierry Henry never did it.”
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🚨 | Mikel Arteta wants all seats removed at Arsenal’s stadium so that everyone has to stand during the game against Atletico today, aiming to create a more intimidating atmosphere. 🇪🇸 ~ @SkySportPL
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🚨| Pep Guardiola on losing the lead against Everton “I was thinking about what Arsenal fans were saying, that I should let Arteta win a trophy. So I reconsidered it. He is my student, Sometimes in football, you also think about these things. I just wanted to wish him well and allow him to win one.”
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🚨Opta’s supercomputer predicts the likely Champions League winner following the semi-final first legs. All four sides are still in the tie ahead of the second legs, with nothing settled yet and the contest finely poised on paper. However, Opta’s supercomputer has already delivered its prediction. Opta’s supercomputer has tipped Arsenal as the favourites to win the Champions League. The supercomputer gives the Gunners a 33.90% chance of lifting the Champions League trophy. PSG are close behind on 32.25%, Bayern sit at 22.67%, while Atlético Madrid are seen as outsiders with just a 10.1% chance. That puts the Premier League leaders just ahead of the pack, highlighting how impressive they’ve been in Europe this season. Via [afcnewsroom]
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🚨🗣️ JUST IN: Paul Merson makes BOLD title claim ahead of Arsenal F.C. vs Fulham F.C. clash. “If Arsenal win this game, they win the league. Simple as that. Three points here and Manchester City F.C. will have to pull off something special to catch them. I’ve said it before, these games against Newcastle and Fulham are everything for Arsenal’s season. Forget goal difference, forget big scorelines. Win 1-0, win ugly, just get the three points. Because from there, it’s in their hands. And if they get it done… the title is theirs.” 👀
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🗣️ Thierry Henry on the Champions League last 4. “My good friend Jose Mourinho always told me defense wins trophies. Just look at it… Arsenal have conceded 5, Bayern 14, PSG 17, Atletico 24. With numbers like that, they have the best defense. Arsenal aren’t just in the last four ... they’re the team to beat in the Champions League”
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Riccardo Calafiori 🇮🇹
LONDON IS RED ❤️ DON’T TAKE IT PERSONAL #ARSFUL
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🚨🗣️ Thierry Henry on Arsenal F.C. ahead of upcoming fixture: “Do you think it’s going to be easy away from home? It never is. We dropped points against Wolves when we were 2-0 up and we lost to Southampton. These are the games people think are simple, but they’re not. You have to respect teams, go out there and perform. Because if you don’t, you get punished. And at this stage of the season, one mistake, one moment of complacency… that’s how titles slip away. This is where mentality matters. Not talent, not hype. Mentality.”
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🚨🗞️ JUST IN: UEFA reviewing comments made by Declan Rice after Atlético Madrid clash. Following the 1-1 draw, Rice spoke openly about key decisions in the game: “Champions League is a different beast. You have to be careful in both boxes because they give absolutely everything. The second one on Eze, it’s a clear penalty. I don’t know how that hasn’t been given. I think the Atlético fans influenced the referee’s decision and changed his mind.” UEFA are now understood to be assessing the remarks, with potential disciplinary action not ruled out.
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