Jake Simmance

Mum I’m a GIF 😅

@kleberthegoat Genuinely how many headers since this tweet. It’s mental

Fuck it, going to say it. Name a better player in the air. Even in the last 10 years (haven’t bothered thinking)

If Romero did this he'd get away with it and Spurs would immediately equalise x.com/TheAthleticFC/…

Annual reminder that no one would run a marathon if they couldn’t talk about it

“When it comes to hair pulls there’s no doubt in an officials mind” “You ain’t getting away with a hair pull” Unless it’s against Chelsea and Cucurella ofcourse. (Neither incident penalised) #MNF

4 seasons under Clearlake and in 3 of them Chelsea won’t make Champions League football. The project.

@todd_boehly it was never Tuchel, it was never Maresca. It’s your fucking model you muppet. Run it like a football club, not like a hedge fund. Yank lizard idiot. Stop signing children. Sign winners. Dickhead

Chelsea have signed a lot of average players for almost £2bn. That’s because the best players want the best wages. So if you aren’t going to pay the best wages, then you have to settle for second best, or even third or fourth best. That’s modern Chelsea under, unfortunately.

Warra player Jonathan Rowe is btw. Send Gittens packing and snap him up @ChelseaFC

Absolute icon. Never forget it. #LFC

This is like when Pavel Nedved won the Ballon d'Or. How’s Michael B Jordan won that over the other three

Doing the soy ameribrained war porn for a conflict you simultaneously insist we're totally neutral in is pretty emblematic of Starmerism. Confused, unconvincing to either side and contemptuous to the public's intelligence

Human beings living their lives and experiencing the world isn't some gross energy inefficiency it's the ENTIRE POINT OF EXISTENCE you creepy, antihuman weirdo.

I’m unbelievably ready for Noah Kahan to dictate the soundtrack to the next 12 months of my life

@PolymarketFC @GoalsXtra @FootballCliches adjudication on rifles here please?

🚨 PREMIER LEAGUE! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 YEREMY PINO RIFLES IT PAST ROEFS! 🇪🇸 Sunderland 0-1 Crystal Palace 🎥 @GoalsXtra

The Duffer Brothers right now watching their fans hype up a Secret finale that doesn't exist:

Football Twitter summed up. Supposedly a Chelsea account too 🤣

Lando: “I'm the most happy I’ve ever been. I don't know what I meant to say honestly. A lot goes into a season like this. Yeah, I mean today, you know, P3 is all I needed to do. Of course, I would've loved to be a little better but I was happy with that and yeah, it’s never a straightforward race. You know, there’s a lot of stuff plays on your mind into a race like that today. Especially when I’m up against two of the other best drivers in the world. You always expect the worst. But today was a fairly smooth day. I achieved my little dream. My little dream from many many years ago. A dream that I shared with my parents, my whole family - they all supported me since I was a kid. It’s always hard to imagine.What year is it gonna be? What you have to do? But now I know. Which is a pretty incredible feeling. So, I’m pretty happy.” #AbuDhabiGP

The lack of self awareness burns me to my core. If you’re a slow walker - HUG THE FUCKING TOUCHLINE If you don’t know where you’re going - HUG THE FUCKING TOUCHLINE If you’re in a big group - MAKE A WIDE RUN AND OVERLAP! Middle of the park is for engines gtfo my way #caicedo