Alabama Wildman

Still get to do what I enjoy but starting at 9 instead of seven and for MORE MONEY? I don’t even care that much about the money, the sleeping in is gonna be gnarly.

Going to find mushrooms with my dog. Open invitation. Come explore with us!

I’m happy. I’m in Pittsburgh. These things were once believed to be mutually exclusive to me. Weird

I’m a master communicator when it comes to communicating with really dumb folx. I’m a really dumb folx too

had a new staff open the gates this morning and he thought it was normal that all the dinosaurs were there at the gates to “greet him” and that they must do that every morning with staff as like a team huddle and not that they’d just escaped their enclosures last night

The problem is not just that Trump thinks himself to be a Messiah, it’s that too many Christians want their Messiah to be more like Trump.

@benkristofic The mirror was exceptional dude

@Jeremy___David the caption hahahahahaha

Detroit was fun. Great mirrors.

Life has been very good to me. But right now, at this point in time, it’s the best it’s ever been.

Don’t trust anyone for president

How nice--to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive.

People who unfollow you on twitter are going to murder you in real life

Dear future generations: Please accept our apologies. We were rolling drunk on petroleum.

"Love one another." What's simple isn't always easy; what's easy doesn't always last.

First road trip ever today, pray for me!!!

@austingohn Mark is an amazing dude. Truly

If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.

Man half the dumb things I see on the internet are so fake

It’s officially the “Hey there, do you still work at Apple?” season.

It’s ungodly cold right now