knittykins

My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

[Opera Voice] 🎶 Do not eat my fries 🎶

I wish Roombas got the zoomies

Hot girls love carrot cake. I don’t make the rules.

Remind me to not care.

I wish my inferiority complex was as good as everybody else's.

So many people have inspired me to be nothing like them.

I saw my shadow today, aka the bags under my eyes because I need 6 more weeks of sleep.

Museums: we know everything about humans. Grocery stores: that’s cute.

I'm not smart, but I try to be kind

Welcome to Twitter, this is where Belligerence is a survival skill .

Look, all I’m saying is, there are far too many songs about love and not enough songs about how important evenly layered nachos are

I still print out a calendar every month.... what of it

I’m not sure the people who romanticize the “analog” life actually lived through it

I don't want validation from you. I want $500.

Sorry I missed your call, but I had to talk on the phone two times today, so I’ve already met my yearly quota.

nothing purrsonal but... *meow*

You could put any frightened animal in a china shop and have the same results.

@TheTinkleBelle2 @onascaleof1210 Yes 😆

@Knittykins @onascaleof1210 Or neutral! The, the, the, the pizza. This is the way.

Look, I get that the English language is weird and has a ton of inconsistencies but at least I don’t have to try and remember if pizza is feminine or masculine.

staying in your lane is cardio