marles barkley 🐌

14.5K posts

marles barkley 🐌 banner
marles barkley 🐌

marles barkley 🐌

@MBarkleyJr

I'm a 47-year-old cigar smoking man in a 32 year-old girl’s body, if you're into that sort of thing...

beyond the wall เข้าร่วม Mayıs 2013
491 กำลังติดตาม682 ผู้ติดตาม
ทวีตที่ปักหมุด
marles barkley 🐌
marles barkley 🐌@MBarkleyJr·
If I had a bf I would roll him up in an area rug real tight and make him listen to my one woman show ideas until he cries (lol tears of joy obviously bc it’s so riveting)
English
2
0
11
3.7K
marles barkley 🐌
marles barkley 🐌@MBarkleyJr·
Going forth, would like to be addressed as Slug Lord ✨✨
English
1
0
2
76
marles barkley 🐌
marles barkley 🐌@MBarkleyJr·
Self care is taking a moment to stop, inhale and be one with the Mac and cheese pasta steam
English
0
0
5
130
marles barkley 🐌
marles barkley 🐌@MBarkleyJr·
Our mom asked chat gpt what happens to a dogs soul when it dies
English
1
0
3
155
marles barkley 🐌 รีทวีตแล้ว
dan
dan@Dansplainer·
a small vial labeled POISON with a skull on it would hit the spot right now
English
17
3.7K
23.4K
334.6K
Lane
Lane@LaneBED·
@MBarkleyJr Back to the alien vs cats theory
English
1
0
0
38
marles barkley 🐌
marles barkley 🐌@MBarkleyJr·
I just said aloud to the cat “I’m questioning the nature of my reality” and she had an understanding look in her eyes, no homo
English
1
0
1
104
marles barkley 🐌 รีทวีตแล้ว
Mark
Mark@AgingRanchHand·
Hello, 9 year olds, I'm your English teacher. This Robert Frost poem is called "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening". It's about a guy that wants to commit suicide but he can't because he has chores to do
English
80
2K
38.6K
777.3K
marles barkley 🐌
marles barkley 🐌@MBarkleyJr·
If you put me in a small room & played cotton eyed joe 3+ times I’d spill all the governments juiciest secrets
English
1
0
1
81
marles barkley 🐌 รีทวีตแล้ว
tabitha arnold
tabitha arnold@thetolerantweft·
I’m a lot like Jesus Christ in the sense that I showed a lot of promise as a child and then basically fell off in my 20’s but returned at 33 to pop off unimaginably hard
English
94
2.6K
29.6K
620.2K
marles barkley 🐌 รีทวีตแล้ว
r ✩
r ✩@elizl0r·
when a woman smokes it's because she has a troubled past and a kind soul but when a man smokes it's because he's a loser with no self discipline
English
340
15.2K
128.1K
1.5M
Lane
Lane@LaneBED·
Can’t talk rn I’m listening to the opening riffs of Money for Nothin
English
1
0
2
107
marles barkley 🐌
marles barkley 🐌@MBarkleyJr·
Eat, drink, AND be merry? Yeah fuckin right
English
0
0
3
96
marles barkley 🐌
marles barkley 🐌@MBarkleyJr·
Do people even do shotgun weddings anymore ? What happened to the American dream
English
1
0
1
128
Lane
Lane@LaneBED·
@MBarkleyJr Me avoiding the drug rep bc I simply CANT and just starving anyways o clock
English
1
0
1
29
marles barkley 🐌
marles barkley 🐌@MBarkleyJr·
It’s eating the absolute piss out of Olive Garden breadsticks in the break room then whining cuz I’m fat o clock
English
1
0
2
106
marles barkley 🐌
marles barkley 🐌@MBarkleyJr·
It’s actually not that scary to drive on snowy roads if you look at your phone the whole time
English
0
0
2
65
marles barkley 🐌 รีทวีตแล้ว
Mark
Mark@AgingRanchHand·
Literally loling. Guy shot me with a silver bullet because he thought I was a werewolf. I'm not and never have been. I am currently dying though on account of the bullet
English
20
3.3K
46.4K
503.5K
marles barkley 🐌
marles barkley 🐌@MBarkleyJr·
The only thing that could possibly satisfy me today is the burger from The Menu
English
0
0
1
88