Matt Murphy

Occasionally I think about the second episode of Tucker Carlson’s podcast where he interviewed some random guy who said he did meth and sucked off Barack Obama

sorry can’t hang out i’m having an ego death rn

small accounts be like:

do junkies ever bar-crawl trap houses or do they just post up at one location and hang out

it’s lowkey cold outside

used to be such a fire line to say you were gonna ask Jeeves something instead of googling

what i tell myself in the mirror

thought i bought an aura ring but ts is watching me sleep

aura farm by george orwell

consultants be like have u tried lowering costs and increasing revenue

this is every doctor I’ve ever been to

they want you to make shirts and wear party hats

they are silently begging you to get everyone together in a circle around them and sing happy birthday

when a coworker hides their birthday - they really want you to shower them with attention by throwing a surprise party and giving sentimental gifts

how do i vibe code more swag

@s4m31p4n i lowkey don’t fw loki

Why is it lowkey today 😭😅

lmao

This shit’s going to blow past $200 an ounce i want the receipt for when it happens

Mr. Krabs:

@NotJosephGarcia this is called crisis method acting

If I was an actor I would threaten to blow up a building if I wasn’t nominated for an oscar.

your honor i just be saying shit