Sheldon Cooper

For what it's worth, my mother says that when we deceive for personal gain, we make Jesus cry.

Maintaining five friendships promises to be a Herculean task, so I'm going to have to let one of you go.

I'm sorry, coffee's out of the question. When I moved to California I promised my mother that I wouldn't start doing drugs

It says keep this on your person at all times. It's right here under Batman's signature.

The relationship just out lived it's utility

Foods To Eat That Will Wake You Up - epphany.com/site/post/442?…

Excuse me! Spoiler alert!

Starch absorbs fluid which reduces the amount of vomit available for violent expulsion

The alternative would be to think backwards.. and that's just remembering.

No fair! I was stuck behind a tree.

Breakup would imply she was my girlfriend. She was a girl who was my friend who is now not my friend.

You seem tense? Perhaps this will relax you.....

I sense that you're trying to slow walk me to an epiphany. Would you mind very much jumping to it.

who are you to tell me about outer space?

Mom, Im encouraged to see how advanced your group has become, willing to sail into the ocean without fear of falling off the edge.

Project Gorilla: Entry Two. I am exhausted.

It's not enough that you made me watch that movie, but now you mock me with it?!

I don't yawn in public because everyone will see my oddly shaped uvela.

And be a social pariah? Now you know that's not my style.

Real chili has no beans in it, but you're from a foreign land, so your ignorance is forgiven.