Try The Veal

my dog is performing a magic trick

purely by coincidence, tonight at exactly 8pm i'm trying heroin for the first time

@octopuscaveman I texted you my friend.

@robwipond kudos on your book

I’m holding a draw to give away 10 signed copies of Your Consent Is Not Required: The Rise in Psychiatric Detentions, Forced Treatment and Abusive Guardianships. To enter, be (or become) a follower of mine & comment on a post in this thread by 12am, Jan 10.robwipond.com/your-consent-i…

I ate 62 hot dogs today. I wasn't in an eating contest I was stoned.

My wife is cheating on me. She 3D printed a pool boy.

I'm a big thinker but I live in a tiny house.

ice cream trucks are meals on wheels for stoners

@RojasTalent and I thought no one was reading my tweets

I'm not saying my dad is old but I called to wish him Happy Father's Day and I got a busy signal.

Taking down my indictment decorations.

My doctor told me to quit smoking weed. I thought about it and realized that after 25 plus years I should find a new doctor.

Putting up my indictment decorations

@ProSummarizer just part. wallet

@TylerLinkin All of him or just part?

@Bob_Heller chunky

What it comes to air, what qualities are you looking for?

in case of emergency your pope can be used as a flotation device

the Chinese spy balloon lucky numbers are 4 11 3 22 8 65

@GrantTanaka I’ve had BPPV a few times and it’s the worst. The Epley maneuver does help move crystals back in their proper canal but then it takes time for the brain to readjust. You’ll feel lightheaded while this process plays out. Vertigo stopped me in my tracks it’s no joke. Best to you

I'll cook Thanksgiving dinner OR pick you up at the airport. But not both.

Fellas, if she has ‘Realtor 🏡’ in her bio she’s 50bps away from starting an OnlyFans

“Your order is on the way.” No it’s not, you printed a label.