Zach VanCleave

having a normal sleep schedule, truly a fate worse than death

Small blinking light in dark room when looking at it: not bright at all Same light in peripheral vision: I'm being flash-banged endlessly

@discord Undercooked

what do y'all think about my lunch

If I could have any super power it'd be the ability to duplicate myself, just so I can combat my ADHD. I need to clean the bathroom? Instead of getting sidetracked 20 different ways on the way, just duplicate myself and have them do every task I come up with on the way there.

@BryDollaSign Even all white new-balance? My father will be devastated.

It’s physically impossible to buy sneakers now.

Mulan (1998), but instead of Mulan it's Mr. Ping from Kung Fu Panda. I woke up from this dream in a cold sweat muttering, "oh no, they found out he was a duck".

I'm convinced that no matter the size of a pizza, if you cut it into less pieces you can eat the whole thing.

@WolfeXCIX Okay, but the saying is actually jack of all trades, master of none, better still than a master of one, so like... there's that now....

I put too much energy into being a jack of all trades, and ultimately am a master of none. Except mario kart, my only life skill is mario kart...

I wrote a midseason NFL article this week, and I boil the entire league down to 9 true Super Bowl contenders. thesnapper.millersville.edu/index.php/2020…

Nothing makes me feel richer than when I have enough money in my account to be allowed to pay at the pump.

I had a dream that my upper torso was surgically replaced with that of someone with at least the power of a United States Governer.

The best water you'll ever drink is the water that rolls down your face during a shower.

Mother: can you grab the laundry basket for me? Me: what do I look like to you? Mother: you look like a son that's willing to help Me: I'm not, I'm neither of those things, I'm a daughter thats willing to hurt

Walmart customer service really be dead inside, I just phrased, "I'd like to do a return" as, "hey is it okay if I sell this back to you guys" and she said nothing. My heart goes out to her firstborn child.

The permanent license plate for my car finally came, how does it look?

Just shouted "I love you unconditionally" to a dog I saw while getting gas. The owner told me he loves me back. This dog and I are getting married.

Contact lenses - day one review: being able to see and wear a mask without fogging up your glasses is pretty cool, less so a fan of the 6 times I woke up in a panic from dreams where I could see clearly without glasses because I was worried I'd left them in (I didn't).

@browardshawty *can't say good morning back because I already have the one girl I'm allowed to talk to*

@WolfeXCIX Wish i didn't have to warp my spine into the shape of the letter q to do it.

naps on the bus ride to school would hit different

@dannygonzalez He really is spooky all year round

i showed you my coffin plz respond