Melissa

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park

@OswaldOLottakum I FOR SURE could and I’ve never even been in a fight in my life

I, like most adults, could beat the living shit out of Ben Shapiro without even trying

@JPLFR80 You know algorithms show you what you like and respond to right?

@OswaldOLottakum Working on a new project I see

At your mom's house laying down fat beads with my caulk

my son said he has a hard time falling asleep because his brain keeps sending him notifications, and that’s the best description ive ever heard

Being consequenced for calling a coworker a flibbertigibbet is unfortunately ironic as I am also a flibbertigibbet

“Just for the sake of argument” is another way to say “hypothetically I’m an asshole”

@deloisivete The heat makes me mean

It’s not the heat that’ll get you, it’s the me complaining about the heat

@Greg_1_Leg Happy Birthday ❤️

Officially 39. One year left before I’m a proper adult

me seeing friend buying two hot dogs: two huh? ol double dog. the two dog kid. friend who remembers when I tried to eat healthy in 2017: ok lentils

@colleen_eileen Making little crust peaches is the most Erin thing ever 🥹

My neighbor gave me peaches just for being me so I'm making a wee pie

You can't scare me, I've lived in Ohio AND New Jersey

Don't fuck with me, I'll eat a well done steak just because.

Several days ago an apple fell from the tree while my brother Dan was under it and now at least twice a day he waits for 5-15 minutes under the tree for the possibility of an apple

@colleen_eileen Dan is such a perfect angel

A lot of men are insecure about their height but not me, I’m 5’9” and I’m okay with it. I’ve been 5’11” since high school and never had issues dating. Now days when women find out I’m 6’2” it’s not a deal breaker because they value my other qualities, not just my 6’5” stature.

@Mydaily_Q Love yoooou

@charbroil_chew They need love and attention to fill a deep void that it won’t fill 😌

people who make their #NewProfilePic post their pinned post, why? I want to understand

@OswaldOLottakum You’re a real one, ilysm

@awkwardenabled I will literally kill them for you

Oh no someone is sucking on a hard candy next to me, pls send help