Corey Charity

@bluewmist In this economy, there is none

at what age is considered embarrassing to still be living with your parents these days?

@OGsDontFold Sedimentary

Gun pointed at your head, name a rock

@lady_valor_07 Yep

Be honest for a second: would you quit your job tomorrow if you won $15M in the lottery today?

Barack Obama was targeted 11 times in assassination attempts during his two terms. We don't remember any of them because they were handled through proper channels, professionally, and he isn't a whiny bitch.

@Kristinartz Yes

Is it true that once the glue which holds the family together passes away, family gatherings aren't the same anymore?

Whoever came up with a 30 minute lunch break need a 30 minute ass whooping

@richardosefton You stole my answer

Not using a condom.

American Idol viewers please stop voting for Brooks god damn it!

From now on, any time I’m faced with a minor inconvenience I’m just going to say, “This is why I need a ballroom.”

@Daddys_Lambeau Every bears qb for the past 20+ years, and Williams will be on that list soon.

Nine

This bitch Melania talking about Jimmy Kimmel spreading hate when she doesn’t say shit about the hateful things her fat ass husband says! THE FIRST LADY CAN EAD!

This!

@lisathebeauty1 Okay deal, so when do we go and where are we going?

If we go on vacation, my first rule is WE WILL NOT BE EATING AT RESTAURANTS THAT WE HAVE IN OUR CITY.

@ESPNMilwaukee @BryanJDee @gneitzel16 @WildeAndTausch Yes I do

"I don't think you ever need to draft a kicker!" Do you like that the #Packers drafted Trey Smack?

They messed up my coffee order this morning. This would’ve never happened if I had a ballroom.

Jay Jones is about to put belt to 🍑 this morning with this Virginia redistricting case and it’s beautiful. Repubs know it’s coming too! Hilarious.

Dear restaurant owners: We ALL hate the QR code menu. Stop. -everyone

@Mollyploofkins They didn’t use contraceptives

Where did Trump's parents go wrong?

We should respond to last night's shooter the same way Republicans respond when our children are shot in school. IGNORE IT.

“9-1-1 what’s your emergency?” “There’s someone in the house. He’s trying to kill me.” “Okay, what I want you to do is get to your ballroom.” “I don’t have a ballroom.” “…Then may God have mercy on your soul.”