Clayton

@holy_schnitt @cooperownbey @holy_schnitt Google AI says “McDonalds “Demon” sauce - but I was thinking “Easter Bunny Cum?”

@cooperownbey is it mayonnaise flavored?

a lady sitting behind me at my gate just said “it’s like mayonnaise, but purple” genuinely what could she possibly be talking about

@holy_schnitt Somebody needs Chicky Fingies and Goldfish crackers

it’s so awesome dating me because I am constantly putting myself in a weird mood for zero reason. just went on a run while listening to ttpd then showered in the dark and now i’m weird and it’s both of our problem

@aiktp_com @holy_schnitt Does ANYONE have a clue what even a little decorum actually is, let alone proper decorum?

just saw a girl sitting cross-legged, dogs OUT on a park bench and okay I know it’s 70 degrees but we have to remain a LITTLE civilized. socks on at least!!!

@holy_schnitt You previously tweeted that people will be f*ing in the park, yet you balk when socks come off?

@holy_schnitt Fun! 🙃

looking at airbnbs in upstate new york for my birthday and found this gorgeous historical mansion and I was like wow. it’s so perfect what could be wrong? and unfortunately it seems to have swastikas

@holy_schnitt There’s Hamster-@holy_schnitt walking the golden retriever on the wheel, how cute! Should we put a coffee/tea shop on this wheel?

god I would really be so happy in a hamster-like setup. with a big wheel to walk on and large water bottle always full. various oats

@holy_schnitt Well, at least that seething will fuel the fire inside you and keep you warm!? 🤷

lowkey been seething about that tweet all day where the guy’s like ok nyc act like you’ve been here before stop complaining about the cold. like no sorry baby this is midwest cold. no one’s built for this. feels genuinely demonic out there

@holy_schnitt More winter? I don’t think I can do these 70° Orange County, California winter days anymore, it’s getting really tough! @holy_schnitt

um,

@holy_schnitt To clarify, this post isn’t about who’s ON the list, Ellie feels all involved are bad, she’s disgusted as who’s DEFENDING those who are on the list. How does twitter still exist? No ones communicating here, just always criticizing and misinterpreting . Unfollow!

republicans are incapable of behaving like human beings. there is nothing too reprehensible for them to defend. they are willing to die on the hill that raping, torturing, and allegedly murdering children is fine if their guy is the one who did it.

@holy_schnitt I’ve heard that “boys only want love if it’s torture”, but I’m not sure where I heard that 🤷 🕶️🫶

I think miss piggy keeps kermit in a little cage and puts a blanket over it at bedtime

@holy_schnitt “And another thing..,” “I’ll have you know…”

and another thing about wicked is that if my man called me beautiful and I said “don’t lie to me” and he said “i’m not lying i’m just looking at things differently” he would NOT be leaving that treehouse alive i’ll tell u that much

@holy_schnitt A plot point that should have been an email? 😆

the problem with wicked: for good is that wicked act 2 is kind of bad. ariana grande is acting her face off, no good deed & as long as you’re mine got actual applause in my theater, but plot points that are fine in a 45 min act are CRAZY when they’re stretched to 2.5 hours

@holy_schnitt But you always says you like “left” men!? 🤷

@holy_schnitt Dang, you’re right! It’s black in there. Huh! 🤷

@holy_schnitt Switch to the low setting, go out and ignore 30

having to tell my friends i’m still a maybe on going out tonight because I have a chili in the crockpot and that’s the centerpiece of my plans this evening is ultimately like. the first time i’ve felt 30 speeding toward me

@holy_schnitt What about when paper towels or TP tear off the perforated lines!? Similar?

when a banana opens wrong it’s so disappointing. this is what you were made for and you can’t even do that.

If anyone appreciates a good marketing campaign, I know it’s @holy_schnitt . This @PapaJohns campaign is genius!!

@holy_schnitt Look at that pretentious B!! Pinkies out when you eat it!

accidentally pronounced croissant somewhat correctly at the coffee shop. really nothing more embarrassing than hitting that “kwa” like this is america, we say crsahnt

@holy_schnitt Also, fantasy football updates! Did you matchup w @MichaelaOkla ? I won this week but way behind other teams in my league. Sup? 🤷

I love being on the east coast because I can text my LA friends like “you’re gonna love the moon tonight”

@holy_schnitt That is cool! Also, it’s like never too late to hit ‘em up.