Richard “Longjohns” Johnson | MBA | CFP | CPA

One of the better fantasy punishments I’ve seen

Went to the doc saying I was lethargic and getting poor sleep and instead of giving me testosterone they gave me sleeping pills? #whatthefuck #dobetter

@JohnDavis1472 I took a gnarly shit at munchies in Fort Lauderdale. No lock on the stall door. The homeless sink attendant looked at me like I just killed someone. Left immediately after.

Do people shit at bars? Like deadass question #inquiry #elonmusk

@okaysloane Sloane, The latter -Rich

do u guys think im funny or do u just take pity on me or are u tryna hit lmk in the commenfs and smash that subscribe button

Wow

Just asked a chick how many sets she had left and she gave me a time in minutes instead of how many sets. #fuckyou

Sitting next to someone with hot ass breath ruins my fucking day #nuke

I used to hoop in the driveway as a kid expecting some scout to drive by and see my generational talent

So hung over I’m shaking trying to drink water #killme

One of my boys tn tried to argue a good handjob is better than good head. #delusional

Walking home hearing the birds chirping and seeing mfs on the way to work is such an interesting feeling

Mfs who like ads on social media are a special breed of consumer goyim

Hallelujah earth day am I right!!! #gayson

Just realized how much of a dork I look like walking to class rn. Fresh haircut and new shoes in the same day feeling like it’s the first day of 7th grade #nukeme

Tijuan Walker has a TWENTY FOUR (24) fist inning ERA. No, releasing him isn’t gonna save the team but that is fucking ridiculous. Someone please abolish the Philadelphia Phillies forever.

@wardamnbilly Honeybun method ball knower

Can’t wait to hurl this at a homeless persons head

Changing of the guards #gonebutneverforgotten

Dude from my HS who used to steal cars is now a “six figure insurance salesman”. Sure thing pal

Starting to feel like I’ll get crucified if I wear Phillies merch in the city again

@dougyThompson22 From previous experience, it doesn’t matter to them. Send it anyway.

Found out work wife has a boyfriend today

I was out of the game so long every girl I interact with I get way too comfortable way too fast how do I fix this