D

😏

Every morning, I wake up, make myself a cup of coffee, and think, "Damn, this is a perfect cup of coffee"

I’m not gullible, your mom’s gullible.

@DakHarding 👀 wait. wait hang on. wait. trading what? just like SPY and shit? hang on..

wearing compressions socks so I can eat this entire can of SPAM™️

remember it’s your life so go on and select your decorations meaningfully and carefully

@dkn33c Adorable. One ear in perfect position to listen for treat signals (i.e. wrapper opening)

“cUZ tONigHt wiLL bE ThE niGhT tHaT i WiLl fAll fOr u, oVEr aGaaaAAAaAinnnn..”

i think it’s pretty fucked up that none of you are fawning over my dog and telling me he’s cute. rude.

@Foxymusprime Hell yeah you would.

@dkn33c I’d try it.

can someone above my pay grade please make chocolate covered corn nuts happen?

@Mn2Nc21 movie. catchy music. cute plot. funny.

Ok someone give me the cliff notes on KPop Demon Hunters

@ManicSpacedust renee Zelleweger is definitely an answer to a question, but not this one. she’s not a cutie patootie.

this is really important. i need as many eyes on this as possible. i need answers. who is the Meg Ryan of the millennial or gen-z generation???

“Because I don’t want to” is always an extremely valid reason.

Stay curious. If you weren’t already….get curious.

@Jane_Doe82 what else would I hand out on Halloween?!??

Why do we still have pennies. Is it so people can ask “why do we still have pennies”?

work really needs to chill tf out so I can take a nap.

I'd fuck someone up for an apple fritter right now

Imagine life choices that lead to you getting killed by a fucking buffalo

i relate to Icarus far more than i care to fully admit.