Dogs doing things

Dogs waking with a start on the first day of spring and throwing open the windows to scream in ecstatic delight, "Dick Cheney is STILL DEAD."

Dogs insisting, "I'm awesome," and pausing to swig from a bottle of gin and insisting even more fervently, "I'm really awesome."

Dogs cursing you with awareness.

Dogs driving a DeLorean over several people indiscriminately and later explaining, "The flux capacitor has been drinking, not me."

Dogs insisting, "When people tell you who they are—" and handing you a shovel, adding, "Bury them."

Dogs wondering aloud, "Was it enough to be loved, or was it the fact of your slamming hot bod?" and pausing to gaze upon the fact of your slamming hot bod.

Dogs gesturing vaguely all around, observing, "What we have here is a failure to communicate."

Dogs wondering aloud, "Was any of it real?" and delighting as a thundering voice echoes from across the eons in a booming reply, "It was very, very real."

Dogs tuning a spacetime viewer and flipping with varied interest between Plato's Cave and Plato's Retreat.

Dogs gesturing vaguely all around, explaining, “This one weird trick is the weirdest trick of all.”

Dogs watching the shadows in Plato's cave and remarking out loud, "Let's do it live."

Dogs arguing to a bank teller, “Money wants to be free.”

Dogs gazing stoically across the long American landscape and murmuring, "I have some regrets."

Dogs waking with a start on Christmas Day and throwing open the windows to scream in ecstatic delight, "One day this will all be CAPITAL."

Dogs gesturing grandly all around, explaining, “Existence is elsewhere.”

Dogs climbing into a dishwasher, explaining, "The enzymes in modern detergents can dissolve anything."

Dogs issuing an erratum in memory of simpler times: "For 'Venezuela,' read 'vuvuzelas.'"

Dogs taking a long drag on a cigarette and rasping, "Did I ever tell you kids about the rule of law?"

Dogs announcing, "New year—" and shoving a poorly reproduced clone in front of you before shouting from the deck of a departing ocean liner, "NEW ME."

Dogs disrobing and noting, "New year—" and exploding into two identical beings intoning in unison, "Nude mes."