Your lack of drive to do better, work on yourself and grow into a better more disciplined version of yourself is a straight up back handed slap to the face to those who are there for you, believing in you and staying with you on your journey into whatever the fuck you want to do
Find a way to cope instead of hate and making enemies. You will end up down the road in pocket watching dissing relationships with people you never even wanted to be with. What you put your energy into, it will always come right back.