Dave Ellis

@ThreshedThought You’ve put this news out way too early. There’s no water here or at St John’s. Get a grip…

New site opening up at RCP Car Park, TN2 5TP.

I am aware of the water outage in Tunbridge Wells - indeed I am without water myself. I am onto the CEO of South East Water and will post updates here as I get them. Mike

Every time I look in the mirror I realise I am three to four stone away from being an absolute dreamboat

Lovely day at #bodiamcastle @southeastNT but left wondering if the kids’ flapjacks could be cut up any smaller. Ingredients sticker larger than pudding!

Water. Water of Life! Jesus, no, @sewateruk gives us the Water of Life. 8 days of chaos (and that’s just this month), numerous trips to get water and to help my mum. I can’t wait for the fabulous compensation package #SouthEastWater

@sewateruk Morning! Morning started a while ago anyway. Any specific update for Tunbridge Wells? 11:59? Yes I can look at the website, but the effortlessness in which you amend the completion time and dates is currently the most impressive aspect of #southeastwater

19:30- 21 December: For our customers in Kent, while we work to refill the reservoir, water will remain off until tomorrow morning. By that time, we are hopeful the level will be enough to restore a continuous supply to you. #SouthEastWater 💦 #SEWServiceUpdates

@sewateruk So. You have failed at providing a basic running water service. Now you have failed at attempting to run bottled water stations. What are you trying your hand at next? I suggest starting small - maybe a piss up in a brewery #southeastwater #TunbridgeWells

Our bottled water station at Tesco #Pembury has now closed. We intend to open another bottled water station for those customers affected by water supply problems and will provide details of this as soon as it is open. We're so sorry for the disruption caused.

@sewateruk And we’re out again. Like clockwork at 7pm. Absolute peak time for families. Can we expect another 12 hour outage? Spose I should be grateful for your incompetence running to time #southeastwater

The sudden thaw of frozen pipes has increased leaks across our region by 300%. We’re working on fixing these to restore water for around 15,000 customers who are off supply. We’re posting regular updates here: orlo.uk/m0kyr #SouthEastWater💦#SEWServiceUpdates

@sewateruk Raining heavily, but you can’t provide water to thousands of people. Never mind, my reservoirs of patience and funds have dropped. We can discuss how much I’m willing to pay my next bill - I’ll be available at a really inconvenient location until 9pm tomorrow #southeastwater

We’re sorry to customers in Tunbridge Wells & Surrounding areas without water. The frozen weather has increased bursts mains, causing our reservoir to drop. We’re working to get supplies restored. The bottled water station at Tesco Superstore will be open until 9pm tonight.

@sewateruk @GregClarkMP Thanks. Although not sure I understand why there would be a situation where compensation is not due? We pay for a service, and that service has failed. Maybe shelve the dividend payments until you have reinvested in infrastructure that can cope with the cold?

@dwe83 @GregClarkMP Hi Dave, we hold reviews of incidents that take place once the water supply issue is resolved, once the review has completed a decision will be made on if compensation is due, and we will automatically contact all customers in the affected area(s) with regards to this. Thanks

It is high time @sewateruk got a grip on these rolling water cuts across Tunbridge Wells. I am meeting with their Operations Director this morning to press for services to be restored. I have also applied for a debate in Parliament to challenge their unacceptable performance.

@ThatsSoVillage Tea maker caught short by bogus rain forecast. His excuse for this abomination of double crust filled with shop bought egg mayo. Surprisingly last sandwich on the plate twitter.com/tomcary1/statu…

What's the most village thing that happened in your match at the weekend?

@AWSStats has anyone ever carried their bat in two innings (second innings following on)?

@rld_23 “He’s just stood there”

@BroughCooper Still one of the most random moments in tele and sport combined

When I am at my lowest point I watch this and it makes me smile. A terrible booking, Shaun Williamson knows this and gets nothing from the crowd. Does that mean he phones it in? No, he smashes it out the park. What a bloody pro youtu.be/lr7WChCUAXI

@46linx46 Feels like one for @Ben_Wisden and @miller_cricket. Get this guy on your stat team!

The #TheHundred table that no-one asked for. At the half-way point here are the combined standings. PS, NRR calculated per 100 balls to make it easier for #casualviewers #cricket

@BroughCooper @michael_simkins They’re not going to shag you mate

@michael_simkins Oh wow, my favourite journalist and auto-biographer in lock step

Essential reading for any cricket fan …

Here is my complete dissection of the greatest moment of bad cricket I’ve seen. Huge thanks to @EuropeanCricket for allowing me to use the footage. Big foot junkies look at the Patterson-Gimlet footage less than I watched this. youtu.be/MVX5gRzV7nM

This 10pm curfew has done wonders for the accuracy of my stated home time prediction

Went to the park, a bird crapped on me, but then my @FugglesBeerCafe order was waiting on my doorstep when I got home. So every cloud...

@BroughCooper Roses are red Mine’s a pint of Harvey’s We’re going to a super over You are kidding me!

Roses are red, I’ll have a pint of Larkins, England win the World Cup, By the barest of margins!