bergtalent for america

Me to @realDonaldTrump

Having a “weird” name will have you out here letting people pronounce that shit however because it gets to a point

being an old timey doctor must have been amazing. absolutely blasted on primo coke for holistic wellness, telling hotties to get in the apparatus

@esjesjesj Also the left isnt against voter id. States already do that. You can't just wander into the polling place the day of, nor can you steal someone's mail and vote that way. Twice my ballot was invalidated because my signature has changed in 35 years. The system works!

People have voted illegally before and faced legal consequences for it. Therefore it is not impossible to prove. Therefore there is no massive cheating.

@kenzianidiot Me too, and ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

WHY DO I HAVE THIS

i think “decontextualized idiom in plain speak” has the highest batting average of tweet type for me. i mean this tweet is gospel at this point

Why is the Center for American Progress running interference for the Jones Act americanprogress.org/article/how-th…

Oh like the Nazis did

This is super fucked up and also completely true

might be a good time for more of you to wake the fuck up

Has the person who shot Alex Pretti in the back while he was facedown in the street been arrested yet.

You're laughing? A cop testified under oath that he does not know if Afroman fucked his wife, and you're laughing?

The Afroman Trial. -Cops raid Afromans house for bullshit reasons. -Steal money, break his door, fuck his house up. -No criminality found whatsoever, no charges at all pressed on Afroman. -Afroman spends the next 3 years making songs that make fun of all the officers involved by name, even using footage of the raid from his own CCTV cameras. -Songs had titles like "Randy Walters is a son of a bitch" and "Lick Em Low Lisa" accusing one of the officers of being a lesbian and sleeping with the other officers wives. -During the raid one officer looked like he was about to eat some lemon pound cake sitting on Afromans counter, Afroman made a whole album calling the officer fat. -The cops get mad and file a lawsuit for defamation. -Afroman turns up to court in a whole American flag suit. -Officers performatively mald and cry while listening to the songs really trying to oversell how badly the songs upset them. -One officer was suing because Afroman made a whole song about him saying he was fucking the officers wife. When the officer was asked if Afroman was really fucking his wife, he said "I don't know". Nuking his own case and establishing that there is a non-zero chance that Afroman might actually be fucking his wife. -As his only witness for the trial, Afroman brought a deputies EX FUCKING WIFE. -The jury ruled completely in favour of Afroman. This entire thing has been a great win for free speech and absolutely fucking hilarious.

This first reup is equivalent in cost to two years of Trump’s Medicaid cuts. Modern conservatism is a fantastic alchemy of death; transforming one unimaginable pile of wealth into two mirrored columns of death: the abandoned domestic and the murdered international

@thematrixwizard @ol_scarbrain I would imagine fumbling Uma Thurman would give you wisdom or a need for 24/7 psychiatric care, maybe both

Yeah republicans are fucking stupid what do you want me to say

If you're cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

did i just find an ad inside a book 😭

@DietCoke_Esq This is a great idea, and I'm going to use it on my wife sometime this week.

Date idea: I get kinda stoney, and explain the whole Afroman case to you. Starting with the elements of defamation