Failed Internet Man

@rkitchencels I like my beef like I like my dick: dry

@peterfemmejay He couldn't see, there were cars there

so is he gonna get lashings too or is that only reserved for queer women?

@hippojuicefilm Yeah, I'm scared of driving too

This is the most cringe and gay cowboy larping I have ever seen. It makes Brokeback Mountain seem like Tombstone in comparison.

@500crabs Do you know Frankenstein? I heard he's the coolest guy in Europe

for breakfast we do something cool like have a cigarette and like a bar of chocolate then we go for work for one half hour two half hour then we go for lunch and lunch is usually yknow something cool like a cigarette and two three bottle of red wine and like a bowl of heavy cream

@TKohoto You're going to be very embarrassed when it comes time to actually Have Sex with a world-famous model/actress...

Thank god for anime and artists, which nuked my lewd perception so much that if I see something like this in real life, I'm just gonna go 'wow, nice body' and that's it lol.

@JustinWhang EXCLUSIVE leaked photo of their commanding officer

We got emo Asian ice agents before gta 6

@dykellisto We have to hold Jude Law accountable

i actually do think you’re incredibly stupid for falling for an obvious misogynistic smear campaign

@FILMLIVIA Langdon because I'm tragic and flawed and extremely good looking

curious oomfs who do you personally relate to on the pitt? for me its samira and mel!

@thesunbutch I can't believe kids still know this song, Christ

laëtitia hollard feels like she is such a cool coworker bec she’s making raps about javadi for shabana and she’s teaching lucas the milkshake dance… seems a fun personality!!

@AnnieisUndead Steve Albini is dead

Wow so ur in a noise rock band, but you also have a solo noise project that you release on deathbed tapes? Should we alert the press? Should we call Steve Albini?

@tranz_schubert My mom would be sad. She hates me, but she would be sad

how are we supposed to not kill our selves

@kerem470818 I'm looking forward to it

@sacketology You guys really like sports lol. I couldn't care less I'm an alcoholic

Bartenders when you ask them to change the channel from a replay of yesterday’s horse races to the very popular college basketball tournament

@pinocchiojy I think her actions were right within the context of the show. She was told that there was no way to report suspected child abuse without proof. Whether or not that's the case in real life is irrelevant

do people actually believe that dad wasn’t molesting his daughter

@iaintlikeyall A construction flagger hit on me once. She was pretty cute but was in the middle of a worksite and I was on my way to clean out my dead dad's apartment. So I didn't really react. Oh well

Men get hit on by a woman once or twice in their lifetime and brag about it until they die

@bigsnugga A few years ago my mom realized I was always going to be a failure and just stopped talking to me lol

you have no idea how much you'll miss this stuff when you no longer get it

@ChineseInfantry Damn, she looks like JK Simmons

Fat guy in a vtuber tshirt walked past me with a chopped gf but he looked really happy

@KyleMcCordMuse Great

Asked the fine shi in my class what school she goes to

@taiturnerr It's not very complicated. Do you know who Noah Wyle is? It's banking on you recognizing him being on ER and seeing the he's central to this new property

every time i drive by a bus stop i think about the fact that i would actually kill to see the marketing team’s email/slack/teams thread where the decision was made to do this

@VampiricLegz Agreed, everyone covering this sport is a fucking loser

All it took was decades covering the sport, funding from Yahoo, and 10+ person team to just barely be more relevant than a 1 man operation.