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quick tutorial on how to attach an image to an ḙ̶̖̠̙̽m̸̍̈́ͅa̷̢̲͎͎̐͂i̸̡̛͔͒ļ̶̅

hey buster if you think this is my first time getting booed out of a bowling alley you're dead wrong

gonna tell my kids this was Mr. Big

my core promise as a friend/lover is that i’m going to get very high on your couch

hozier thinks he’s father john misty. father john misty thinks he’s paul simon. paul simon thinks he’s the hamburglar

imagining him instead of Mumford and Sons saying "I really fucked it up this time, didn't I my dear?"

up to my old tricks again!! (returning to the Catholic faith)

my 9 year old non-binary lesbian son Chrxstopher has just informed me that his polycule has just gone "biral" on Tik Talk. Chili's tonight to celebrate.

(hot boxed my car)

thinking about drummers. the absolute vibe you have to be riding to play that shit. they don't give a fuck man. hero shit

wait sorry do you mean XCX or Brown

No bro haha don't tuck me in bro stop don't make me all snug like a burrito haha bro what are you doing no I'm so comfy bro haha stopp

@TENENBAVM thank you for educating me

@goodbye_toby This is inappropriate

going chode mode

I guarantee you that a future civilization will with absolute certainty chalk up the collapse of our society to the invention of the microwave. it is a sinister machine

my ego consciousness brings a certain "not going to do my laundry until I'm fully out of underwear" vibe that the rest of my unindividuated psyche doesn't really fuck with

at the end, the actor playing Macbeth comes back on stage for curtain call and bows. "fuck I thought he died" I say, eyes bulging out of their sockets, full of blood. the actor playing Macbeth looks at me and goes "I'm gonna kill that guy for real"

"thou art being too loud!" Another audience tells me. "Thou art suck my ass" i reply, eyes beet red, looking down at my phone, visibly purchasing $100,000 of NFTs

actor playing Macbeth, at the first ever performance of Macbeth: is this a dagger I see before me? The handle toward my hand? me, in the audience, completely cooked: houly sheeet

@SquilliumPhD Omggggg lirerally

@McClellandShane Good job

About to be bouncing around like Tigger