Clueless Baby

My head is so empty. I wish there was a brain in there.

A man knows no greater peace than falling asleep with a hand on a tiddy

the CDC just announced you can fill a theme park with dinosaurs again if you really learned your lesson last time

I was talking to a vendor and said I can’t wait to head over to the beach and lay in the sun for a bit. Random white guy comes up and interrupts, talks to the other vendor like I’m not there, and goes “why do the whitest people always want to lay in the sun haha” 🙂?

*family spends $60* “You can probably pack up and go home now after that sale!” 🙂?

My favorite thing in the world is telling people I’m studying to be a shark biologist and them saying “did you know sharks are made of cartilage?” Like yes, Steven, I am aware of this…

┏━━┓┏━━┓┏━━┓┏━━┓ ┗━┓┃┃┏┓┃┗━┓┃┗━┓┃ ┏━┛┃┃┃┃┃┏━┛┃┏━┛┃ gonna keep my mouth shut this time ┃┏━┛┃┃┃┃┃┏━┛┃┏━┛ ┃┗━┓┃┗┛┃┃┗━┓┃┗━┓ ┗━━┛┗━━┛┗━━┛┗━━┛

vaccinated or not please stop standing so close to me in line

@Nathan4U_Tmw4Me This audibly made me laugh out loud

Whenever I feel bad about who I’ve become I just remember one simple thing: at least I’m not a philosophy major

the cdc just said it’s okay to kiss a whale gently on the forehead

Y’all should have seen my therapists face when I explained how 99% of my anxiety and stress comes from school, then she immediately asked me why I need to get a PhD and what I want to do with it… And I looked her right in the eyes and said “I want to be a professor”

@officialsavs @granola_babe Oh my god it just occurred to me I thought the same thing I was like “oh word, weird English class”

there’s this small part of me that’s saying, hey u should write stuff for star wars, but the majority of me refuses bc i’d have to write yoda and not only do i hate him but i have no fucking clue how to even formulate his speech pattern

I’m the dad friend which is like the mom friend but instead of taking care of people I don’t answer texts and I know a thousand extremely specific facts that are in no way useful ever

Well, now I’m depressed smh

you’re telling me if i complete the task that is giving me stress then my anxiety about it will go away????? sounds fake