Tspot

The lost art of being a fucking decent person

Life hack: If you roll your car, make sure you eat the two loose vicodin you have in your pocket before police arrive. Better life hack: if you're rich, then hire a driver and eat all the pills you want while not endangering innocent people on the road.

Keep riding my ass and I’ll beat you with your own truck nuts

Life should have a halftime like sports where you just get a little break from everything for a while.

All I'm saying is, now is probably the right time to stop worrying about eating too many calories.

Nothing humbles you faster than waving back at someone who was waving at the person behind you.

Being Gen X this is about the seventh time I've lived through another end of the world. Don't worry you get used to it.

Lost a few followers today. For clarity: Fuck ICE. They are literally murdering people in the streets. If that offends you, get gone.

Fuck ICE. Fuck that orange piece of shit and fuck this Nazi regime

I know you’re not a gorilla but I’m sure you could easily beat off 100 men.

I just went to Crazy Town and they said you're a local legend.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness clearly never paid for a divorce.

If I give you a 👍🏼 don’t read it as okay. Read it as fuck you.

Every day I toy with the idea of running away to start a new life as a mysterious woman who reads at diners.

We’re all mentally ill here. Just grab a Baja Blast from the fridge and pull up a chair.

I’m rooting for the asteroid to be perfectly honest.

My signature move is always learning my lessons the hard way.

You can’t safety dance your way out of this one, you little shit.

first date idea: we search for each others criminal history together.

Having a strong sense of smell is such a curse