Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned)

I have a Polish friend who is a roadie for a band. I have a Czech one too. A Czech one too. Czech one too.

I posted “i am the first man in my bloodline to jack off in an Arby’s” on facebook and my uncle replied “not true.”

crazy moon antics tonight

@BuckyIsotope I recognised the shoes

@ojedge Yes

Is this Bucky Isotope?

Can't afford Apple iPhone Headphones? Hellmann's Squeezy Mayonnaise makes an excellent cheap alternative.

when you see that something is troubling your mate

reaching for the last Pringle in the can like

Poe, a pilot, a rebel pilot, Rey, a Jedi with no mum, Darth, a name, he calls himself, 12 Parsecs, a long long way to run Solo, shot Greedo in the head, Leia, a dote to follow Solo, Luke, the 5th pilot in Team Red, And that will bring us back to Poe!

I saw Daniel Day Lewis in my local supermarket today. He kept saying he was ‘an elderly woman’ and to ‘leave me alone’ but I knew it was him. Such a great actor.

"Welcome to Exclamation Mark Overusers Anonymous!" 'Hello!! I'm Mark and I have a problem!!!!!!!" [whole group] "Hi Mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Dentist: “Open wide… wider…. wiiiderr” Me: [opening my wallet as far as I can so he can reach in and take all my money]

I lerved Herve Leger as the Jerker in Bertmern. RIP. Gern too sern.

I have a Polish friend who is a roadie for a band. I have a Czech one too. A Czech one too. Czech one too.

me at the start of summer holidays vs me at the end of summer holidays

6 Mitchellin Stars

my kid when he’s been drinking coloured juice

@NOWHelpTeam How can I catch up on the F1 Qually from Saturday ahead of the race on Sunday if you don’t put it on demand until Monday. Drives me crazy.

@NOWHelpTeam Where tf is the formula 1 race on the app? Why does it take so long to upload content?

@NOWHelpTeam Why why why does it take so long to upload the f1 to the app. You’ve uploaded the pre-show buildup, the chequered flag after show, bit not the f*king race! It’s the same every week. Not uploaded until sometimes days after the race. Should be instantly uploaded.