Pixie 🧚🏻‍♀️🦋

“i long ago abandoned the idea of being understood.” — jorge luis borges

This tinnitus is too much like a constant alarm going off.

the silence

The fact in the last 8 years we've lost 4 of my aunties and 5 now including my mum is insane from 7 siblings to 2, my uncle died in 2004 and now my other uncle is ill I just can't with this trauma and grief.

I realized that I repressed my emotions so much that I can no longer retain information, my memory fails me, I have trouble concentrating, and I forget words when I speak.

Unfortunately I do give up on people, you can’t continuously drain me , disappoint me , take from me and except me to continue showing up for you..

i don’t think people realize how heavy it is to always feel like you don’t belong anywhere. always the one left out, misunderstood, or just… there. not hated, but not chosen either. that kind of rejection builds a wall you don’t even mean to have. it’s been like that my whole life. and yeah, i’ve learned to deal with it, but deep down it’s a wound that never fully heals. i may not ever fit in or belong anywhere, & i’m learning to just be okay with that.

being alone when i needed help changed me forever.

All my symptoms are coming back full pelt, like a fucking hurricane, is it another illness or is my nervous system just fucked from all the stress and grief, who knows anymore, I just want to be normal.

you really stop caring after the same shit keep happening over & over again

it's a different kind of pain when you don't even cry anymore. you just take a deep breath and accept it.