Psychic Pokémon

i'm back just like the crippling anxiety that never really goes away no matter how much therapy you throw at it

if my triumphant return to twitter was the amazing surprise you needed today i am seriously questioning the choices in your life that lead you here

my life is a FUCKING LIE

just learned baby carrots are just big carrots but cut up a bunch. they're not a tiny species of carrot that grows next to their big carrot parents.

i'm less back on my feet and more back on not allowed to leave this house

it was an owl, which is terrifying, to be sure, but nowhere near a threat to warrant my burning the complex down

back on my feet after being temporarily homeless thanks to my being pretty certain there were raptors breaching my apartment

the latter was how i expressed myself in the bank yesterday, and let me tell you, everyone there knew how i felt!

something like "that is very haha sir," or "today i am feeling very sobs uncontrollably"

what's the point of language to describe emotions? why don't we just speak how we're acting as a result?

sorry i haven't been tweeting. lately it's just been really hard to be a

yes i am browsing facebook every friday night.

not because i now have easier access to events, mind you.

#BeforeFacebookI didn't always know what I was going to be doing with my Friday nights.

since she, you know, was so low. :\

i spend a lot of my time wondering if shawty ever got out of that funk she was in.

i feel you, appleman. i feel. twitter.com/HighAppleFarms…

someone find me an agent and a time machine.

examples: "that's cray-ola!"; "super soaker sad, mannnn."

i spend a lot of my time coming up with what would have been wicked awesome 90s catchphrases.