Eleanor

People making bacon sandwiches with 1-2 slices of bacon live miserable, joyless lives that I want no part of.

My day has been brightened by seeing a grub in the bathroom at work. It’s the *little* things.

Sometimes I get paranoid my neighbours spy on me when I’m in the garden, so I always make sure to pull faces at their windows so they know I know.

Urmston stinks of shit.

Lowlight of working in the office is having to hold your farts in all day.

Just me, my blanket, and my book against the world.

I have never, and will never, wear a lanyard. Embarrassing.

How do apricots manage to be both juicy and dry? A very worrisome fruit.

Items of clothing that do not have pockets are PURE TRASH. Pockets for all.

Just had a random memory come flooding back: let me tell you about the time in high school where my mum convinced me buying one of my guy friends glasses lens cleaner was a good birthday gift… I’ll be cringing about that for the foreseeable.

I have been the hungriest little girl the past week. And to be clear I’m talking about food. I want a pizza.

Baked beans are so creepy and I know you know they are. Don’t pretend.

Went to London and didn’t get tube bogies. What was the point?

IG pushes so many frog memes onto my feed. It *gets* me.

Lightning chargers were sent straight from heaven.

Did I eat the healthy soup full of vegetables that I made for my lunch? I did not. I ate a bag of jelly tots.

Let the record show that I do not identify as a grown up.

I am one fruit gum away from ripping out a tooth.

I just exploded an Easter egg into a thousand pieces with my bare hands. By accident. Fight me.

The thought of eating a banana past 11am is freaky to me. They are a morning food.